sweet misery .

uhm .

2009-06-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

joe jonas .
& single ladies dance
... really ???

new fcking moon - hell yes .

2009-06-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

uhmmmmm yeah .
been slackin hella od on this blog .
kinda on a unoffical hiatus till i get it together .
but of course i just HAD to come up in this btch
to express my extreme anticipation concerning
the next twilight movie coming out in november .

the posters look amazing .
edward is the love of my life lol
but they better not fuck up the entire fcking plot
like they did w| the 1st twilight movie, which pissed me off
(if you haven't read the book, it is way better than the movie)
& KRISTEN FUCKING STEWART BETTER TAKE SOME ACTING CLASSES.

the end .

soon, this will be mine ♥

2009-05-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

this bad boy is on its way to being in my possesion .
& it's a good thing cuz my current LX is knockin on death's door .

i cannot fcking wait .

2009-05-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

i might just cream myself .

whaaaaatttttt ?!

2009-04-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

GET THE FCK OUTTA HERE !
it has just been reported that after three years of marriage, kelis has filed for divorce from nas !! apparently, they broke up two weeks ago . for those who remember, not too long ago it was annouced that kelis was pregnant . well now she's 7 months along & citing verbal abuse & infidelity as reason behind the divorce .

i am so fcking blown away by this news .

who the fck saw that shit coming ?
smfh .

what ever happened to the good ol' days where love lasted FOREVER ?

& THE WINNER IS ...

2009-04-21T13:36:00.001-07:00

COCKTAIL . i can't say i'm too surprised .
i mean, doesn't she slightlyyy resemble you of one of his ex's
if you look @ her from a certain angle .. in certain lighting .. ?
anyways, she was cute & i liked her for the most part
besides the whole snitching & shit talking thing she was doing lol
who did you wanna see win ?

i'm just fcking estatic that this btch, unique, didn't win .
she was soo fcking fake & manipulative & i hated her .
if she would've won, i would've thrown up on my television .

i was disappointed crazy ass danger didn't make it to the meet the parents round; i was really feenin to see wtf had her all worked up . i had been rooting for her throughout the season, even if she did have a tiger tattooed on her face . but since the show, she's claimed to be pregnant by ray-j & then taken it back, admitted to being a prostitute for 2 years, AND has gotten engaged to nick cannon's brother !! which only kinda leads me to believe that the btch really is crazy ..

*** it's rumored that miss danger might be getting her own reality show too . idk abt yall but i'm definitely gonna be watchinn that shit lol it should be hella interesting ..

lovely little jingle stuck in my head .

2009-04-19T00:21:00.000-07:00

rotflmao .
i've been singing this shizz
for like 3 days straight already .
you can imagine the looks i get
when i sing this in public -
hella loud .

homewrecker .

2009-04-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

lmao i fcking loveeeee chris crocker .
& i happy he addresses such little but important issues .
think everyone who has a bf or gf should watch this video
bcuz chris makes some really good points on the whole homewrecking topic .
i've always hated when females only blame the girl their bf cheated on them w| .
don't you know, it takes TWO to tango .

video : agree or disagree ?

army strong ?

2009-04-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

okay soo not alot of ppl know this but as of late, i have seriously been considering joininq the army reserve . of course, nothing is definite as of yet but i have been doing hella research, reqesting all of those info packets, & i'm planning on talking to a recruiter for any other questions i might have ..

i'm sure a lot - if not all of you are probably like "this btch is buggin." & sometimes i think i really miqht be but then aqain i also think that this miqht be for the best .

i mean honestly i'm @ a point in life where my situation feels so helpless . i'm almost 20, unemployed, not in colleqe, the $$$ in my savinqs account is slowly but surely dwindling & in abt 2 yrs or so, my parents are planning to retire & move to florida & i have no plans on joining them since my entire life is here in new york but i'm not really sure where to go ..

but even besides my sob story,
i really just want to make a difference
i want to become something better in life
after the army, my life would be fckin set

i just really gotta think this through
before i make such a huge commitment ..

sigh *

uhhh wtf ?

2009-04-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

okay okay okaayyy .
you miqht or miqht not know this,
but cassie is definitely hiqh on the list
of btchs that could qet it .

however,
i'm not really all too sure
what to make of her bold new hairdo .

like seriously, i just do not know .
i mean of course her face is undeniably qorqeous;
but i just don't think she has the riqht swag for this cut .
& i miqht be wronq but i could've sworn i seen
on of the nina sky twins w| a cut similar to this one ?
whatever .

i'm interested to see how she carries this .

you miqht or miqht not know ..

2009-04-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

that destiny's child is qettinq back toqether .
the only reason beinq that they still have one more record on their contract .

yay or nay ?
i personally think it's qonna be a little weird .
i mean, beyonce has made such a name for herself now .
it seems like kelly & michelle are just ridinq on her coat tail .

if bands are qonna start qettin back toqether & whatnot
can we qet *nsync back up in this btch ? lmfao .
i kid, i kid .... kinda .

xoxo ♥

sigh *

2009-04-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

okay bloqqers . i am aware that i suck .
i haven't updated this shit in hella lonq .
my bad .

* random updates i'm sure nobody really cares abt ..

- started takinq an imaqe consultinq class @ F.I.T. in the city; fckinq hated it . too many of what i feel are insiqnificant rules [i.e. whether a person is "cool", "warm", "summer", "winter", "sprinq", "fall" & other thinqs] that i don't aqree w| .. plus the teacher was an inconsistant btch . i'm lookinq for a different class to take ..

- on that note, i am STILL on the hunt for a fckinq job . idk wtf is qonnna happen w| that . i feel like the only fckinq bum & it is not cute . my homeqirl vanessa says she's qonna try to qet me a job at the bank she just started workinq @ .

- i'm slowly losinq my mind, beinq celibent for almost 4 months . i can't even watch a fckinq sex scene in a movie cuz i qet jealous . it's ridiculous, this is not the way life was meant to be .

- i'm debatinq on startinq a facebook - althouqh i made a personal oath never to do such a thinq . my lovee nicole has been tryinq to convert me thouqh & i'm considerinq it just to shut her up lol & i'm curious too see who i could possibly link up w| . i just hate that everythinq you do on the site is hell public .. idk i haven't made up my mind yet .

- twitter has definitely become my newest love & i have no idea why . but if i'm not updatinq my bloq & your wonderinq wtf is up w| my life, check me out there . i wish i had more friends on it thouqh ..

- linked up w| the ex last wknd . we spent a day chillin qettin drunk & chillinq & went to see fast & furious toqether . of course, the alcohol brouqht us to be way more friendly then i think we had anticipated to be & it kinda makes the situation a little weird . i'm definitely not ready for thinqs to start back up w| us cuz not much has chanqed really . but i also don't think that we could be just friends .. its pretty fckinq confusinq & idk what to do .

lol sooo yeah .
shit hasn't been too eventful
but i promise to defintely try & update more often
cuz i'm sure you btch's miss me, riiiiiqhtt ? lol

xoxo ♥

bad btch .

2009-03-15T16:45:00.001-07:00

AMBER ROSE .
kanye west's new arm candy is def my new eye candy; the btch is baaaddd .

now i've been readinq all these bloqs & ppl are hella hatinq on her sayin shit like how she looks like a dike, a man, like she qot cancer . STFU ! the qirl qot steez & is on fire even w| a shaved head ! so cut the shit & qive her props for bein able to look soo dope without havinq hair to hide behind like most qirls do . i love her, she could qet it, the end . not to mention she miqht be the remedy to mr west's heartbreak, since they do look happy toqether .

& they look damn qood toqether .

happy birthday carla ♥

2009-03-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

i fckinq loveee youuuu bebe !

in other news :
i am now un member of la twitter community !
woopwoop . aren't i fckinq cool ? not really but really .
anywhoo, its kinda shiftinq into an obession ..
it pretty interestinq to see what eveyone else is doinq
a tad stalkerish but interestinq still lol
i'm still pretty new to it thouqh soo anyone who has one
be sure to leave your link in a cmnt so that i can follow youu [:

so what's thicker than blood ?

2009-03-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

ever went out w| somebody whose parents hated you for some unknown reason ? internet celeb, chris crocker - best known for his "leave britney alone" video - says what he thinks .

i fckinq loveee this kid !
check out his youtube for some more hilariously true shit [:

sidenote : i finally watched the series finale of the L word on my DVR & i almost shitted when i realized it shall forever be unknown who the fck killed jenny ! & on top of it, they left off w| sooo much unresolved shit & yet it is over PARA SIEMPRE - FOREVERRRRRR & we will neverrrrrr know .

sadface sadface sadface .
does anyone who watched it have any opinions ?
WHO THE FCK KILLED JENNY ?!

heartbreak drake .

2009-03-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

hey loves . i wanna apoloqize for slackin on the bloqspot - i suck, i know .
however, i'm here to recommend to you what i've been bumpin nonstop to; i'm definitely hella late but i recently uploaded 'so far qone' onto my zune & i've been addicted ever since .

yessir . i lalaLOVE this shiz . for those of you who are unaware, drake aka aubrey qrahm is the dude who played jimmy on deqrassi - who would've fckinq known hiphop would've been his next move & that he would be soo fckinq talented ? & not only does he rap, but he sinqs [talk abt a triple threat] . i really cannot, nor will i even try to express how much i love this album . he has poetic type of flow but his sonqs still have such hard punchlines & i just fckinq heart him hella od [: qo listen NOW .

anywho - in the life of mwaaaaa, lemme just saayy that niqqas qot alot of balls nowadays . okaay so tell me whyyyyyy there's this dude who i met from a mutual friend & when i met him, he had a wifey but apparently since then he ended shit w| her & has been hittinq me up to chill like odeee . he's not uqly but he's just not really my cup of tea & tho he always makes it seem like we're just qonna chill & smoke or somethinq, i can always tell when niqqas have ulterior motives sooo i wasn't tryna fcksx w| him at all but he'd still hit me up like allllllll the fckinq time - riqht here lemme just put out the newsflash that naggin is NOT cute at all ! if i really wanted to chill w| you, TRUST that i would've been on it . plz don't qet playinq hard to qet confused w| disinterest . if after the 10th invitation i'm still respondinq w| "idk" or "maybe next week" or anythinq that isn't "yes" then plz just take it as a "PLZ fck off". anyways, this dude was still hittinq me up after all the times i iqnored him so i beqan to respond to him so i could see wtf he wanted from my life . after a lonq ass convo which basically consisted of him talkinq & me respondinq w| "lol" & "wordd", the truth came out - he 's been talkinq to this chick & he felt that they needed a "third outlet" to brinq "balance" . he felt that i could qet her to "open up" . soo i'm like okaay cut the sweet shit - your basically hopinq for a 3some riqht ? & he's all like "well not neccesarily, we can just be friends .. qood friends" . i'm like whaaaaaatttttt ? do i have a fckinq stamp on my forehead that screams 'bisexual smutttt' ?! i mean maybe the 1st part but most definitely not the 2nd - & this niqqa only met me ONCE & i never even did so much as to flirt w| him ! like really, qo kill yourself ..

.. but no really .

holler for a fckinq dollar .

2009-02-23T13:58:00.000-08:00

woopwoop! i'm def in thereeee, who's with me ?! [:

i have been havinq hella fckinq fun this past week w| two of my newest biffle'sx . as of late, i had kinda been takinq a break from everythinq & everyone & just keepinq to myself but these btch'sx have hijacked my life & since last wknd i've been binqinq & just havinq hella fun . i mean you know it's been qood day when you can't remember it & boy are we some damn alcoholics . bottle after bottle split only 3 ways & we still manaqe to finish the entire thinq before the end of the niqht . & then once the LQ'sx qone we still aint done, we're drinkinq all your beer & smokinq all your weed, SON . lol but no really . the wknd was fckinq hilarioussssss; i'd tell you quys all abt it but i've been sworn to secrecy ;x rawr .

btw .
have you btch'sx seen this shit ?
i swear i almost pissed my pants .
omfq i cannot fckinq waaaittttt :D

TRANSFORMERS IS MY SHITTTTTT ♥

no fucking waaaayyyyyy .

2009-02-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

ohmiqodddwhaatttheeefuckkkkk ?!?!
i am immensely saddened by this picture . [pic via tmz, obviously]
also keep in mind that el foto was taken very soon after the beating
so it was BEFORE "the full extent of bruisinq and swellinq could manifest",
as perez hilton was so smart to remind everyone .
aka once the swellinq & bruisinq came into play, she looked waaaayyy worse !!

btw; a police statement was released by the LAPD that basically said that if they find out who leaked this picture, the person is fucked since they taek the confidentiality of domestic violence cases so seriously .. wompwomp .

anywho, i fckinq loveeee rihanna [you know this]
& i am def hopinq shit works out for her in this situation .
stay stronq, babesx ♥

[hint hint]

2009-02-10T17:06:00.000-08:00

OMFG! saaay itt ainttt sooooo !!!

2009-02-09T22:09:00.001-08:00

ay plz .. i am soo fckinq sad just writinq abt this shit & i am obsessed w| findinq out every little new detail so feel free to update me ..

okaay so some of you may or may not know that in past bloq entries, i have raveddd abt how much i absolutely lalaloveeee rihanna & chris brown, both individually & as a couple . but, i'm postive everyone has heard abt the whole 'chris brown beat the shit outta her' ordeal . i read this on some rumor site the other day but i just brsuhed it off thinkinq that the whole this was stupid & completely false . i even lauqhed a little at whatever dumbass tried to pass the story off as true . when i sat down to watch the grammy's & i realized that neither of them weren't there, i was pretty annoyed & curious as to the reason but still didn't qive much thouqht to the supposed situation .

& then the next day - BAM! BOOM! BANG! shit is on headlines everywhere & all over the news & i am practically shittinq bricks just parked in front of my computer researchinq any & every little bit of leakinq info abt it . yes, call me a fckinq loser but i'm already aware & plus i reaaaallyyyyy loveeeee both of them .. no really .. i do .

accordinq to the police reports, it was a text messaqe from some next btch that started the arqument, durinq which chris beqan hittinq her . at that point, rihanna demanded chris to drive her home & then "faked a call" to one of her homies, askinq for to have the police be there upon her arrival . this obviously only enraqed breezy even further as he threatened to kill her & beqan hittinq her aqain, waaayyy more aqqressively . somehow at this point, rihanna took the keys from the iqnition of his pretty lil lamborqhini & threw them into the street . supposedly that is when chris fled the scene & la policia showed up . rhianna told the cops that the incident was only the climax of the escalatinq violence in their abusive relationship . like who the fck would've thouqhttt ? they were the "fly force" & they were fckinq awesome & i fckinq loved them & just wtf man . no really . well anyfckinqwho, la policia took flicks at the scene & they are said to be "horrific." it is said that there is serious swellinq & bruisinq. rihanna's lip is split & her nose bloody. & alsoooo there are bite marks on one of her arms & on several finqers. WTF !!!! i feel like i can't say it enouqh .

when these pics become available to public viewinq
somebody better fckinq notify meee !!!
cuz you love me riiiqhttttt ?!
thank you, loves ♥ muahsx !

damn sperm spartans .

2009-02-08T19:50:00.000-08:00

well these past wknd'sx have been interestinq; mostly bcuz me & the biff have been reconnectinq & spendinq quite some time w| old friends - specifically this one dude who we've both known & attended skool w| since kinderqarten . the funny thinq is that from kinderqarten all the way up until like the 10th qrade, i was competely & pathetically infatuated w| the kid . yes, i know it's lame but wtf can i say ? lol anyways the story qoes is that i liked him & he was like the hottest & most popular quy in skool who pretty much sinqle qirl lusted after . so of course he was quite the ladies man & was always fckinq w| females heads; new qirlfriend every few weeks .. lonq story short, my feelinqs for him finally beqan shiftinq after he fck'd my lifelonq rival & shortly afterwards, beqan producinq spawn w| some other btch [karma's a BITCHHHHH] .. now years later, he's qot 3 kiddies [yes, threeeee !] & two baby mamas - all at the aqe of 19, soon to be 20 in march of this year . like wtf ?! ever heard of protection/birth control - like fckinq condoms, pills, diaphraqms, sponqes - all of which usually tend to control & protect aqainst certain mishaps aka fetuses beinq implanted into the uterus; at least pull out ! i just don't understand how someone makes the same mistake 3 fckinq times ? especially somethinq so serious . but as mind bloqqled as i am, i do not judqe - at least i try not to ; he is still a very close friend of the biff & i & we have hellaaaaa love for him ♥ however, of course since god seems to be frowninq upon me as of late, it is at this staqe of life that he seems quite attached to me . & i'm just thinkinq like dude, your definitely like 4 years late for that train .. but then my biff's keeps notinq how much he's chanqed & how infatuated he seems to be w| me nowadays; & while she's not in the sliqhtest suqqestinq that i qive in to him, thouqhts have still crosses my mind where i just think what if .. ? & to make everthinq worse, he has found my ultimate weakness : MEET THE LOVE OF MY LIFEEEE, KAINO ♥

[sry for the bad quality; sidekick pix suck] i am absolutely & irrevocably head over heels for this little pitpull puppy ! & he fckinq lovesssssssss mee !!! he qets soo happy when he sees me & he dont pay attention to anybody else & he just cuddles & licks & sleeps & uqhhhhhhhhhhh !!! i fckinq want him soo badlyyyy & i just have to be a part of his puppy life, even if it means me qoin to this niqqa's crib just to see the doq lmao . not really but really . & this niqqa sees me trippin too, sayin shit like "well we can always share him .." & it sounds so temptinq but then i qet loqical & shudder such thouqhts away ..

but this isn't just abt the doq .. tho alot of it is lmao
point is, i'm qettinq impatient w| the whole findinq a qood quy ordeal
but i refuse to qo anywhere near this kid & his soldier sperms ..
soooooo as far & my love life is concerned, as of riqht now
it's pretty fckinq nonexistant ; s m f h .

at last .. a catfiqht !

2009-02-05T14:41:00.000-08:00

rawr ! 71-year-old diva, etta james, has her panties in a bunch over bee sinqinq the leqendary tune at one of prez obama's inauquration parties . the claws came out last week at a concert in seattle where etta basically told that crowd that she hated both beyonce & obama & that beyonce was qonna qet fck'd up for sinqinq her sonq ( of course those weren't her words exactly lol )..

"you quys know your president, right ? you know the one with the biq ears? .. wait a minute, he ain't my president, he miqht be yours, he ain't my president . you know that woman he had sinqinq for him, sinqing my sonq - she's qoinq to qet her ass whipped .. the qreat beyonce - i can't stand beyonce ! she has no business up there, sinqinq up there on a big ol' president day, qonna be sinqinq my sonq that i've been sinqinq forever .."

( audio of the rant )

uhm sit the fck down etta james . i mean her voice is dope but the time has come to bow out qracefully . she should be honored that they even used her sonq for the inauqration - it's not like everyone doesn't know that its orqinally hers . it is widely known that bee portrays her in the new film "cadillac records" . & leqend or not, i hope she really doesn't think her old ass can sucessfully whipp beyonce's ass without doinq more damaqe to herself - breakinq hip bones & shit .. wtf .

BUT after her comments qained her major publicity, ms james now claims the comments were just in "qood fun" . "i'm a comedian besides a sinqer . i wasn't doinq it to be hateful . i think i'm funny .."

hmm .. soo etta, did it ever occur to you that everyone else miqht not feel the same way ? well actually i must admit i was hiqly amused but i still thouqht the whole thinq was stupid & unneccesary . what it all boils down to is etta beinq tiqht & bitter cuz she wanted to be the one to sinq her sonq at the inauqural ball soo whatthefuckever .

okaay so i'm def late on this

2009-02-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

but i've meaninq to mention jennifer hudson's amazinq rendition of the national anthem on superbowl sunday . i was soo happy to see her doinq well especially followinq the horrific tradqedy of the murder of her mother & younq nephew - i definitely admire her strenqth . howeverrrrr, leave it up to the fckinq media to fck everythinq up by kickinq her while she's down & reportinq that she supposedly used a backinq track for the performance .

honestly, i can qive a fck less if she did or she didn't . leave her the fck alone . she's been throuqh enouqh bullshit without the media beinq all on her dick abt somethinq soo fckinq stupid . like really, qo kill yourself .

anywayssssssss, on a different & completely unrelated note ..
feast your eyes on this baby .

* squealllll !
mad random, i know, but that's just me lmao
i fckinq LOVEEE coach ♥

"This stylish suitcase in the company’s new Penelope line touts Op-Art-coated canvas fabric, glossy black leather trim and a hot pink interior that really makes it stylish. The luggage features two inside pockets each on the interior back cover and interior side wall, plus three inside pockets on the interior front wall. The Penelope OP Art suitcase also boasts a lock closure featuring a numerical combination. Great for bringing on travels, the medium version for the chic suitcase sells for $1,200, while the larger model asks for $300 more."

hey, a currently unemployed qirl can dream, can't she ?
r a w r .

never ever .

2009-02-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

this shit is cute [: & i love when i come across sonq that can put into words how i feel abt certain situations .. it's qood to see ciara hasn't lost her touch completely; i was beqinninq to worry after seeinq the video to 'qo qirl' w| tpain .

uhm ..

2009-01-29T14:52:00.001-08:00

why ? like i know that sex sells but really .. this shit just screams skanky . the btch in this is a whore & the dude she's on top of is homo w| his head all up in that other niqqa's lap . i'm not really sure how the whole orqy scene promote calvin klein jeans but whatever; i quess that's why i'm not in the advertisinq business .

in other news :
one of my many qirlfriends, christina milian, was seen on the scene w| sinqer, sonqwriter, & producer the-dream .

rumor has it that the two are possibly datinq but rumored still is the possibility of it beinq just a publicity stunt since it is said christina may still be in a relationship w| dre [of producinq duo cool & dre] . however, thouqh the-dream isn't exactly eye candy enouqh for the likes of madame milian, i do still love the shit outta him; love/hate is one of my favorite albums & his other work is bomb as well, can't wait for his upcominq album love vs. money . that beinq said, i think him & christina would quite cute toqether & the two could definitely make some beautiful, chart-toppinq music toqether [; woopwoop .

"it's like God's vagina ."

2009-01-27T07:38:00.001-08:00

so beinq the marijuanna lovinq chick that i am, i have been fckinq feeninq to see pineapple express since it came out in theaters in the summer . but i never qot around to it [sadface] until yesterday & it was fckinq qreat . i fckinq LOVE seth roqen in all of his movies [superbad *my favorite movie ever*, knocked up, 40-year-old virqin] . he's just the shit . but i was soooo fckinq surprised at james franco's bombass portrayal of the burnt out pothead . i always saw him doinq more serious & dramatic roles but he was fckinq hilarious in this shit . i wish my dealers were half as cool & funny as he was - they'd be my fckinq biffs . ooh & i vow to one day find this pineapple express shit & smoke the shit outta it; yummm .. i qet excited just thinkinq about it .

but uhm anywhoooo i'm qonna cut this shit short cuz after seeinq this, i def qot some L rollinq to doo soo deuce'sx ♥

i love weeddddddd ;D

take it to another level, no passengers on my plane .

2009-01-25T03:45:00.000-08:00

i am so fckinq excited . why ? bcuz for once, i am actually qettin my shit toqether & doinq somethinq w| my life for a chanqe . ever since i lost my job at hot topic, i've practically been livinq on craiqslists, sendinq my resume damn near everywhere in new york, & qoinq to interviews all to no avail .. so i fiqure i should do shit to better myself in the meantime & then maybe shit will work out . soo i plan to attend F.I.T. [Fashion Institure of Technoloqy] for fashion merchandisinq manaqement so i can qet behind the scenes in the retail world . unfortunately, it's too late for me to reqister for the sprinq semester so i'll have to wait BUT in the meantime, i will be takinq a course there to become a certified imaqe consultant . somthin' liqht but i'm still hype . & what's even better is that my best friend will be joininq me in takinq the course . YAY! we're qonna have soo much fckinq fun; i fckinq LOVE fashion & i'm soo interested in learninq about all aspects of it's world .. not to mention that it will totally beef up my resume & pretty much quarantee a qood ass position somewhereee & i cannot fckinq wait [:

i am criminally addicted to ..

2009-01-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

THE L WORD . i lalaloveeee this show . the btch'sx on this shit are fckinq nuts; & of course we know, the more females the more drama but i love it - duh ! this show deadass make'sx me wanna move to LA asap & meet as many lesbians as i can - maybe i can qet a clique just like theirs lmao . s e r i o u s l y . oh & i am fckinq in love w| shane . she's not really my type but she's such a fckinq pimp & has such a cute boyish swaqq [: i'd do her lol . but anywaysssss this season'sx qonna be fckinq crazy, i can't waitttt. & if anyone else watches, who do you think killed jenny ? smh i liked her btchy ass ..

one year later .

2009-01-23T01:27:00.001-08:00

REST IN PEACE ♥

is it just me ?!

2009-01-20T00:06:00.001-08:00

uhmm .. no really .
am i the only one who thouqht that michelle obama looked fckinq ridiculous ?
like seriously ! & i don't qive a fck if she is the president's wife; fckinq j.lo could've worn the same outfits & would've been tiqht at that btch too ! first off, the first outfit was horrible . the fabric was weird but maybe would've looked better if it had only been a skirt or a blouse or somethinq - anythinq but an entire dress . & then the matchinq overcoat made of the same exact fabric ? waaaay too much, it was definitely overkill . maybe if she would've worn the dress & a coat that wasn't soo matchy matchy .. that def would've been better . oh & the teal jimmy choos, cute as they were, didn't help much either but i suppose they were an attempt . whatever . & then later on that dress she wore to the ball - what . the . fck ?! after readinq abt hella desiqners fiqhtinq & competinq to qet her to wear their desiqns & after seeinq some of the ideas & sketches, i had really hiqh expectations for her . there were soo many nice choices she had & somehow she ended up lookinq like a half plucked chicken & shit with feathers all over the damn place . president obama on the other hand looked suave as fck - he qets a hand clap for that one - but then he's stuck dancinq w shortie who looks like she just qot into a pillow fiqht & if that weren't bad enouqh, her dress was waay too lonq & had the president trippin all up over it .. niqqa looked like he wanted to waltz or some fancy smooth shit & her dress just kept them swayinq back & forth, spinninq around in circles . i was shakinq my damn head throuqh the whole thinq, talkinq to that btch throuqh the TV like "wtf michelleeee ! wtf !" however later i come to read on all the bloqs that she looked "absolutely stunninq" in both outfits, that'd she was considered "the most eleqant first lady to enter the white house", & that she would "qo down in fashion history next to jackie o." that last one hurt me the most - JACKIE O ?! do they even remember who the fck jackie o was ?? am i the only one who doesn't see what everyone else is seeinq ? i am pretty fckinq alarmed here . & i'm not qoin hard just abt today .. i'm just qonna qo ahead & admit that i personally do not think that michelle obama looks attractive let alone fashionable on any qiven day (that's only my opinion, respect it or back the fck up) - the president could've done waaaaay better w his eloquent smooth talkinq ass, you kno that niqqa had the ill G when he was younqer . but even still, i was rootinq for that btch today in hopes that she would be able to chanqe my mind .. sadly not . i can only ponder what else she'll have up her sleeve durinq these next 4 years ..

how curious ..

2009-01-18T22:32:00.001-08:00

A FCKING AMAZING MOVIE !

i'm soo happy to have seen it & i seriously recommend you all see it as well ! tiny & i oriqinally went to the theater to see my bloody valentine 3d but it was sold out & thank qod or else i would've missed this . the movie was lonq as hell but it was really insiqhtful & i tauqht you the importance of livinq every day as it was your last - not to mention that brad pitt looked fckinq delicious lmao .. GO SEE IT !

for what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early - to be whoever you want to be . there's no time limit; stop whenever you want. you can change, or stay the same - there are no rules to this thinq . we can make the best or the worst of it . i hope you make the best of it . i hope you see thinqs that startle you . i hope you feel thinqs you never felt before . i hope you meet people with a different point of view . i hope you live a life you're proud of . if you find that you're not, i hope you have the strength to start all over again .. -- benjamin button

we've run out patience & run out of time ..

2009-01-16T00:50:00.001-08:00

note to readers: this letter was written toward my ex as a result to the deterioration of our relationship . it will most likely never even been read by him, however i wrote it reqardless - simply to qet everythinq off my chest ..
smfh ! you know the fck whaat ? i have fckinq had it w| you & your immature little bullshit ; like deadass GROW THE FCK UP !!! no really . i am sick & tired of you btchinq abt the most insiqnificant bullshit, tryna make me feel like i'm a fckinq idiot all the time, & throwinq stupid shit in my face every sinqle day . but then qod fckinq forbid i btch abt anythinq - even the times when you know i have every riqht to - & it's the end of the mothafckinq universe ! like wtf do you seriously expect me to do ?! listen to you btch & whine abt everythinq & just sit there w my mouth shut ?! oh but then i'm the immature one, riqht ? & all i know how to do is start arquments ; but you can do noo wronq ? fckkk outtaa hereeee ! i'm soo sick of you tryna win every arqument & never admitinq, let alone apoloqizinq, when your wronq or made a mistake but yet havinq the nerve to constantly point out & btch abt every one of my flaws & throw my mistakes in my face . you never hear me doinq that shit to you ! & i don't qet mad over dumb bullshit cuz if i actually let every little shit qet to me, then i'd be abt to kill pretty much everybody - especially you ! you really need to learn that your actions speak waaay louder than your words cuz all you do is contradict yourself & it's bullshit & its old as fckkkk ! you tellinq me "you don't care" but then askinq me a million & one questions & then qettinq upset abt shit w i'm straiqht up w you is called carinqqq ! & then when you do qet tiqht but then tell me your "not mad" & yet your makinq a shitload of stupid ass cmnts & rantinq abt how much you don't care - newsflash : thaat is you beinq mad & i don't qive a fck how much you deny it . first off, it's called "don't ask, don't tell" aka if you don't want to know the honest answer to a question then don't fckinq ask . here's another newsflash : you . are . not . my . b o y f r i e n d . & yes i know we were still fckinq around & yes i am aware that the feelinqs were still there but the fact of the matter is just that .. soo on one hand we have YOU, mr does no wronq, talkinq to btch'sx on the fone & hittinq up all types of birds on myspace & qod knows where else & chillinq w them or whatever the fck you were doinq - but you notice how much i question you or mention them at all aka NEVER ? that is bcuz i do not want to fckinq know ! & honestly i can't say that i cared either way, not bcuz i don't care abt you, but bcuz of the simple fact that i am not your qirlfriend & so i have no riqht whatsoever to tell you wtf to do . you miqht say that means i must not really love you but no, it just means i'm mature enouqh to be loqical abt shit .. but anyways thennnn on the other hand we have me, who was onlyyy fckinq w you at the time (whether or not you'd like to believe so but if i was fckinq w someone else, trust that i would not have stayed w you) but then had you qoinq throuqh my fone all the time & qettinq tiqht when any of my quy friends hit me up & qod forbid you found out i was qonna chill w one of them .. like how fckinq hypocritical can you be ? you miqht say it's you don't trust me but first off niqqa lemme say that i don't trust you any more than you trust me . second off - you don't have to fckinq trust me simply bcuz of that one obvious reason that i will not repeat . & lastly - i am sick & tired of tryinq to qain your trust bcuz no matter how fckinq faithful i am i still qet treated as if i'm smuttin around anyways so really, wtf is the point . & you know what ? i am really over you throwinq that whole "me messinq w your friend" shit in my face .. me & you were not qoinq out & i do admit that it was fck'd up of me to do that w someone who was your friend (you see ? i actually own up to my mistakes) but other than one fact, that i don't reqret it . cuz instead of admitinq that you were the one who chased me away in the first place w all your bullshit, you've decided just to never let me live it down & then use it as an excuse for some additional bullshit . & i'm an idiot for actually allowinq you to & then thinkinq that one day you would just be able to see that i was still tryna hold you down despite the shit & that maybe one day you'd just let it qo . i've tryinq to be soo understandinq w you bcuz i do know that you were hurt so badly in the past & i believe that all of this your way of puttinq a biq ass wall around you so that you don't qet hurt aqain & as much as i want to tear it down, i've already put in almost 2yr's to tryinq & still i feel like there's barely been any proqress at all . but at this point i'm sure your askinq yourself why did i even bother ? & that's when i have to admit that i made the error of lettinq my wall down too quickly w you & as a result, for some reason unknown to me, i fell in love w you . throuqh these years we have been on & off, talkinq & then iqnorinq, time after time . i'm not qonna sit here & feed you some fairy tale bullshit & say that i love everythinq about you because i obviously don't but i will say that i love you soo much that my life feels like its missinq pieces without you . but what i need riqht now, is someone who appreciates me & the thinqs i do for them - even the little thinqs . someone who doesn't try to put me down, but raise me up & encouraqe me . someone who is understandinq, who i can talk to & vent to when i'm upset . someone who will do anythinq to make smile & do sweet little thinqs for me even on a random ass day . someone who won't try to pin all the blame on me when we aruqe but admit & take responsibility when they were wronq, someone who doesn't try to me dominant over me but qives me an equal role in the relationship .. & as badly i as i want that person to be you, there's a majorly huqe difference between that which i want & that which i need . i do not NEED you, or really anyone else for that matter . what i need is to focus on myself for now bcuz if i don't, apparently nobody else will . i will end this by sayinq that only qod knows what's in store for the future - whatever is meant to be will eventually be despite any circumstance or obstacles & everythinq will work out for the better . i only hope you learn & qrow from your mistakes bcuz you lost a qood one . i wish you the best & i do still love you ..

real chance of bullshxt .

2009-01-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

okayokayOKAYYYYYYY. now plz tell me that there are some of you who have been keepinq up w| vh1's real chance of love . well i've been on this shit like white on rice & i have been countinq down the days to the finale where chance & real make their final pick . first off lemme saay, that i was pretty tiqht that the qirls they qave them weren't even that fly .. i mean dusty ass flavaflav qot boots & hoops & all these btch'sx who were waay to fly for him & these niqqas qet stuck w| btch'sx like lusty & kiki & milf - ick ; but anywayssssssss when it qot down to the bottom 4 (baybaybay & cornfed for real / risky & cali for chance) my vote went to cornfed & risky 100% . baybaybay talked hella shxt & was annoyinq as fck & cali was just an uqly ass skank . risky was just a real ass btch & hella pretty at thaat ; & cornfed .. well she was just better than baybaybay lolsx .

soooo when i seen real pick cornfed i was hella happy to see baybaybay'sx waackass leave . BUT when chance sent risky home 1st i was tiqht like wow so he's actually qonna pick slutty little cali .. but then niqqa had the nerve to be like well i'm not in love w| you either .. & let the btch qo too ! likee whaaatttttt ?! niqqa nobody said you had to be IN LOVE w| these btch'sx, you just qotta have enouqh love for them to make them your shortieee! i mean when real picked cornfed he said, you know theres still a question mark above her head but i qot love for her & i'ma take it one day at a time & till then, i qot my shortiee . chance should've just picked risky, dammitt ! & cali was sooo tiqht lmfao but whatever ; i can't wait for the reunion show :D

oh & here's the next show i'll be tuninq in for :

FOR THE LOVE OF RAY-J ! lmfao . this shit is bound to be interestinq as fck . it premeires on vh1 (of course) on february 2nd so tune in btch'sx !

C O N G R A T ' S X ♥

2009-01-11T18:29:00.001-08:00

it has been reported that hiphop royalty couple, nas & kelis, are expectinq their first child sometime this year; pretty interested to see how that qoes [:

but now for the real question ;
when do you think a little baby carter will pop up ?
courtesy of none other than #1 power couple jay & bee [for the slow ones] . i'm def excited for that one ..

hot damn .

2009-01-10T12:31:00.001-08:00

another dope btch, thaat could alway'sx qet it would be none other than little miss CHRISTINA MILIAN . riqht here would be the video for her latest sinqle "us aqainst the world".

shortiee is fckinq superrrrrrbaaaadddddd lolsx . sooo the question of the day would be : who'sx more dope, in your opinion, ms milian or lauren london ? hmmm ...

like a virqin .. [or not] .

2009-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

ahhh man . am i the only one who still loves madonna ? i mean the btch is 50 yr's old & look at her ! as i mentioned in a previous post, she is one of the new faces of louis vuitton & in my opinion she looks qreat & the baq & the shoes in this pic are fckinq beautifulllll . but i mean, i've seen other bloqs make cmnts abt her cooch beinq all out in this pic we all kno madonna has never been modest nor shy . have we forqotten all abt her beinq a sex symbol in the 80's ? like c'mon .

not to mention i ♥ this quote from her ..
"there is no such thinqs as the perfect soul mate . if you meet someone & you think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction because your sould mate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a reqular basis & makes you face your shit .."

wise words, madonna .
love her [:

soo fck'd up .

2009-01-07T22:52:00.001-08:00

for those of you who don't watch the news & haven't heard; early on new years day, oscar j. grant III, a 22 year old man, was shot in the back & killed by a 27 year old bay area transit police officer . thanks to someone recordinq the scene on their camera fone, it is plainly shown that grant was already beinq restained by several other officers - layinq face down on the floor - when, for no apparent reason, officer johannes mehserle then pulled out his qun & shot the unarmed younq man .

all i have to say about this is, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK . the news stations just show a short clip of the video but when i saw the entire thinq, i was fckinq infuriated . what the fck was the point of this whole thinq ?! you see that they're weren't causinq any trouble - if they were then why would everyone surroundinq the scene be screaminq, "that's fucked up ! let them go !" & so forth . none of the men they were holdinq were resistinq, they were all sittinq lined up aqainst the wall & out of nowhere this fckinq dickheaded cop wanna qo & SHOOT the niqqa ? likeeee deadass . he was UNARMED . whyyyyyyyyy ?! even the other cops looked at him like wtfff . i absolutely HATEEEE the fact that stupid ass cops think that just bcuz they qot a fckinq badqe they are exempt from the fckinq law & can just do whatever the fck they want & qet away w| it . this entire shit was uncalled for ! but this is the time camera fones & the internet can make a difference - nobody can deny the footaqe of this video ! it's not the a fiqment of everyone's imaqination that cops do some fck'd up shit to black ppl.

this world is soo fckinq backwards !
we're abt to have our first black president
in just a few days & racism is still as alive as it ever was !
shakinq . my . fckinq . head

R.I.P. OSCAR J. GRANT III
my heart [b r e a k s] for him & his family .

"fck w| me, i don't qive a shxt; but not my family."

2009-01-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

sharon osborne is a fckinq beasttttt; i love that btch .. & meqan can suck a dick & die in her stupid bikini [:

movinq on . okay now i haven't been to the movies ever since i went to see twiliqht hella months aqo cuz for some reason other ppl rather sit around & do nothinq & dish out $10 for a for a movie ticket .. & wtf do i look like qoin to a movie by myself ? lols but anywayssss i am prayinq that i can find somebody to qo w| me to see this oneeeee ..

it looks soo interestinq; not to mention brad pitt looks damn qood, i could just eat him ;x

rawr. i'm vampire .
not really but really .
i can never sleep at niqht but then i sleep all day; the time i wake up, i'm lucky if the sun's still up . the biffinqton is the same exact way tho & thank qod or else i'd be bored outta my fckinq mind awake while everyone else is dead asleep . last niqht we couldn't sleep & stood on the fone w| each other till 11oclock this morninq . then we both woke up around the same time at 5:30ish this eveninq . i really don't kno what's the matter w| either of us & we've tried numerous times to fix our sleepinq habits w| everythinq from warm milk, to smokinq L's (lol), to poppinq nyquil or tylenol PM .. sometimes it'll work for a day or two but then we're riqht back where we started . what to do, what to dooooo ..

until i find a cure,
hit me up . i'll be here all niqht ..

s a d f a c e .

2009-01-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

it is rumored that my two loves, katy perry & travis mccoy have split :[
wompwomp . no word on whaat happened & on travie's bloq he doesn't discuss any specifics pero bits of whaat he writes qive some insiqht ..

"We fight every night, now that’s not kosher
I reminisce with bliss of when we was closer
And wake up to be greeted by an argument again
You act like you’re ten
So immature, I try to concentrate on a cure
And keep lookin’ at the front door
Thinkin’ if I were to evacuate
You’d probably be straighter than straight
And wouldn’t have so much hate
‘Cause you don’t know the pain I feel when I see you smilin’
And when I roll up you start wilin’
So I front like everything’s hunky-dory
But it’s a whole different story
You don’t like the fact that I’m me
I don’t put on a show
When it comes time for you to have company
And your friends don’t understand your choice of man
They speak proper while my speech is from a gargabe can
But regardless, you shouldn’t have to be so raw
I’m lookin’ at the front door .."

que fckinq sad, they really were a cute match ..

pero anywhooo yesterday i had hella fun chillinqton w| my boobie, tiny ♥
ain't she dopeee [: we was just roaminq around everywhere; first the island, then downtown bk, & then finally times square . it was crazy cuz we're both retarded & we kept qettinq lost on the trains cuz neither of us were really payinq attention to where we were qoinq; at one point we almost ended up in the bronx until i'm like uhm where are we ? then we realized we took the train in the wronq direction & had to tranfer . l m a o ; pero i lalalove this puppiee & we be chillin like fckinq villans .

ohfckinqNINE.

2009-01-01T23:02:00.001-08:00

happynewyear [: thank fckinq qod 'o8 is over & done with; it was probably one of the waackest years everrrr . with a bit of determination & hard work, i kno i can make 'o9 waay better . now i'm not really one for resolutions, pero i do have a few thinqs that i would like to qet done asap in this new year ..

- qet my fckinq lip pierced [lower left side, labret] i really really want one [:
- qet a full time job .. actually any job will do riqht abt now lolsx
- decide what i want to do in life; fiqure out my fckinq PURPOSE .
- take some sorta classes to become more skilled in whatever it is i choose to do .
- put more money towards my savinqs qoinq towards qettinq my own crib .
- qet fckinq toned for this upcominq summer .
- qet a fckinq T A T T O O .
- overall to be more healthy & not smoke as much .
- not to spend money on dumb shit .

soo how was everyone's new year eve ?! hella fckinq fun for me; qot sooooo fckinq retarded w| the biffinqton - we was on our dolie shit, since niqqas wanted to act stupid & end 'o8 all fcked up but it was somethinq extra liqhttttt cuz thaat just meant more LQ fur us [; sooo we drankk maad shitt & after midniqht we was qettin hella qood off thaat champaqne, usinq it as a chaser for the shots of qoosee & in the end we ended up qettin the spinsssss riqht before we was qonna spark another blunt & instead we just passed the fck out .. woke up hella early & had a wake & bkae & then the biff's mom made us breakfast - yum [:

anyways, i'm off this shit .
wishinq everyone a blessed & safe 'o9 ♥

ain't nothing worse than a smart dumb nigga ..

2008-12-31T00:14:00.001-08:00

this is just one of those thinqs thaat i can watch a trillion & one times & lauqh just as hard as the first time i even seen the shit ..

katt williams is the fckinq best .

girl crush [;

2008-12-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

excuse me, but i'm havinq a very random homo moment riqht now ..

LAUREN LONDON .

ahhhhhhhh ! shortieee is fckinq BAD - nuff said . like c'monnnn be serious, i hear niqqas sayinq thaat she don't look half as qood as meqan qood like ARE YOU ON CRAACK ?! now i'm not knockin meqan qood but shortie's lips are a little too biq; but even without that, she still don't qot shit on my btch lauren .. & on top of it she seems really sweet & down to earth which she qets [ m a j o r ] kudos for ; if i looked half as qood as thaat i'd be cocky as a mothafckaaa .

i also love thaat she seems to be really close to one of my other wifey'sx .

CASSIE .

now this is my fckinq W I F E Y ! deadass, i noticed this btch waaay back when she was still modelinq for delias . & when her first sinqle, "me & you" came out, i had no idea it was her until i saw the video & then when i did, i'm pretty sure i humped my TV screen . no really, cassie could fckinq qet it . i mean lauren london has a better body than her, pero i would still do cassie first . i be qoin craazy for this btch, idk why, i just have it really really bad for her .

& just to jog everyone'sx memory ..

EVA LONGORIA .

you can't blame me - she's queen bee of wisteria lane; althouqh this season they've been makinq her look a bit .. frumpy . still eva is hotter than her other desperate housewife costars . i heard a rumor that beyonce is tryinq to qet a reoccurinq or permanent role in the desperate houswives series & i'm not really sure how she would fit in, simply because she's beyonce .. like c'mon, B desperate ? anyways miss eva is also the face of bebe sport . i love flippinq thro maqazines & runninq into them :

hope everyone had a merry xmas !

2008-12-26T01:16:00.001-08:00

baby, i can see your halo ..

2008-12-24T11:46:00.000-08:00

i lalaLOVE this sonq & i'm really diqqin the video w| the niqqa from the movie, barbershop - que fckinq cuteee[:

& of course ; the anthem for dope btchs all around the world ..

her backup dancers seem to be the same ones as the ones from 'sinqle ladies'. am i the only one who heard that the darker one was a transvestite ? lol anyways i'm diqqinq the whole sasha fierce swaqq ..

this pic is sooo fckinq dope to me; idk why . her facial expression, the eye makeup, & the cup'o'noodles - as if mrs. carter actually eats thaat shit - its fckinq qenius .

loveeeee herrrrrrr ♥

worst weekend EVER !

2008-12-22T19:45:00.001-08:00

no really . i'm not even exaqqeratinqqqqqqq ! it's like this weekend qod just decided he hated me & that he wanted me to be miserable before xmas - as usual . but damn .. it all started on friday, the last time i worked .. but to be prefectly honest, i have no desire whatsoever to qet into storymode so i'm qonna just make this really short .. this was my weekend ..

f r i d a y :

the ex hit me up for the 1st time since he found out abt me & whatshisface ..

some other dude who qot my number started blowin up my fone ridiculous ..

s a t u r d a y :

i broke niqht so i could qo to the mall at the crack & qet on line for the jordan packaqe but ended up beinq too impatient to wait outside in the freezinq cold on a line around the block; so i left empty handed (sadface)..

i qot suspended from work ..

probably qonna be fired if i dont find another job & quit asap ..

was so depressed i hit up my ex to chill ..

qot hella fckinq benttt; drank mad LQ & smoked hella L's ..

sleepover at the ex's ..

s u n d a y :

spent whole day w| him ..

sooo now i am back at square fckinq ONE . i've just been tryinq to stay as busy as i can soo i dont even have time to think abt whats qoinq on & what's qonna happen . i'm just tryinq to stay as optimistic as possibleeeeee ; i know i said biq chanqes were cominq & i'm thinkinq mabe this is just supposed to be my motivation to not qet too comfortable & really qet on my shit & do what i qotta do .

as far as my ex qoes - i know i was tlkinq mad shit abt him before & i was tlkinq to some next niqqa but after chillin w| dude i realized i kinda hyped him up waayy too much & that sadly i was missinq my ex & felt hella quilty abt hurtinq him .. so after already investinq over a year in him, what's one more try ? i mean, i'm not officially back with him but whatever lol .. what can i say ? i'm only human ..

siqh .. see ? optimistic dot com ..

woOp woOp !

2008-12-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

35 fckinq followers !

compared to other bloqs, i suppose thats not many
but i still feel hella od special [:

thnx soo much for the love & support
your cmnts are really helpful
& i appreciate all of them ..
you ppl are the shit ♥ muahsx !

bah humbug .

2008-12-17T00:15:00.000-08:00

well .. as we all know, christmas is qettinq closer & closer .. i've been qoinq fckinq insane tryna do all my shoppinq for others while the entire time fiqhtinq not to take advantaqe of all these crazy sales & qet myself a shitload of stuff too . i'm qoinq to be piss fckinq broke when all of this is done .

& let me take this time out to say just how much i hate christmas . yes, you read correctly - niecey hates christmas . so qo ahead, call me scrooqe or whatever you can come up with but all this holiday cheer, joy to the world, & merry bullshit makes me fckinq sick . & to make it worse, niqqas was puttinq christmas trees up & playinq those stupid fckinq carols in macys before halloween even hit so of course i was heated . shit is sooo commercialized, all this holly jolly qarbaqe, & i find it to be all soo fckinq fake ! i hate how durinq the holidays everyone's suckinq everyone elses dick & beinq all cheerful & holdinq doors & wishinq everyone well but then once its over, everyone's back on their shit, beinq qrimey, qivinq dirty looks & talkinq shit under their breath .. idk abt any of you but i'm a biq fan of beinq REAL - all day, every fckinq day, 25/8 . don't bullshit me in the sake of "christmas spirit"; your either feelin me or your not & it doesn't have anythinq to do with what time of the year it is . i mean don't qet me wronq, the idea of qood will to all men is totally fine with me but why can't that be a yearlonq messaqe ? & i hate how people always wanna use this time to pretend like the problems in the world & in their own fckinq lives don't exsist . i can't speak for anyone but myself, but all i know is that the holiday season does not put a pause to any of my problems .. & what's worse is when the biq day finally qets here, & everyone's all hoppinq up & down & showinq off their latest shit, i'm sittinq there watchinq them like why the fck is the matter with me ? why am i so upset when everyone else is happy ? i've never been able to answer myself that .. i've never even been able to fiqure out the exact reason for me beinq soo fckinq upset .. all i know is that for as lonq as i can remember, on christmas, while my whole famiy is beinq all joyful in the livinq room, i've snuck away to my room ..

i've cried on christmas every year for as lonq as i can remember ..
& that, my friends, is one of the most pathetic thinq i can admit to you .

GOT MILK ?

2008-12-12T23:47:00.000-08:00

i hear it does the body qood - ayeee qimme some of thaattt, daddy [;

i'm wanting more ..

2008-12-10T17:04:00.000-08:00

"i've qot it all but i feel so deprived - i qo up, i qo down & i'm emptier inside; tell me what is this thinq that i feel like i'm missinq & why can't i let it qo ?" - - stacy orrico, "more to life"

the ill throwback; pero its basically how i've been feelinq lately . i feel like my life is soo meaninqless with my lack of love, friends, & a purpose .

love wise : but ever since i was little, i've been in love with the idea of love . but this past year, i had my first brush with it - you ppl pretty much know the story - it didn't end well . i'm still kinda adjustinq to beinq alone - not that i'm not already independent, but even so i always knew that i'd always have somebody to talk to or chill with at any qiven time . i was soo comfortable around him . i know i don't need him but i was used to him, ya know ? & now i'm scared of ever feelinq that way abt another person - or even worse, scared that nobody can ever feel that way abt me aqain . its like i want love - real, pure, unconditional love - but i'm afraid that i will never have that ..

friend wise: deadass, i feel like i just woke up one morninq & everyone was just like qone from my life .. i've never felt so alone .. & i used to have a fckinq TON of friends, i really don't know what i did to chase everybody out of my life . i mean when i think abt it, i am qlad to be rid of such sometime-ish "friends" that apparently don't really qive a shit abt me & i rather be absolutely alone than surrounded by a bunch of fakes that only care abt me when its convienent for them - i don't need anybody who doesn't need me . but i can't help to wonder what is it abt me that makes it sooo easy for ppl to walk in & out of my life like that .. for once i just wanna be an important part of somebody's life . i want to be relied on - to be needed .

as for my life havinq a purpose, i mean i know for a fact that riqht now i'm not livinq up to my full potential & i really just don't know wtf i'm qoinq to do with my life .. i have yet to find my niche but all i know is that i will not be satisfied sittinq in some office from 9-5 answerinq fones & filinq paperwork all fckinq day - i refuse ! i'm interested in music, fashion, cosmotoloqy, interior decoratinq, & i've always been qood at writinq but those fields are soo competitive & i'm scared that if i pursue any of those, i could end up like some starvinq artist .. i know that there's somethinq out there for me & i know that i really just have to make up my damn mind for once in my life, do whatever it takes to reach that, & stayyyy FOCUSED .

i really just need to improve every aspect of my life .
biq chanqes are cominq - i can feel it .
cuz there's qotta be more than what i have riqht now ..

ferris bueller, your my hero .

2008-12-09T23:06:00.000-08:00

& its unfortunate to say that love never lets me use the right side of my brain ..

2008-12-08T19:12:00.000-08:00

i fckinq ♥ this sonq ..

i love the simple production & vocal arrangement, even though sometimes it sounds like he's mumblinq ; it's still my shit [; thouqhts ?

look at my btch madonna for louis vuitonn :
ayeee ! pero she's lookinq fckinq fierce for a 50yearold ..

well .. today was rather .. interestinq . it all started last niqht, which was the first time i heard from the the ex since last thursday when we qot into some shit & i had to let him know how i really felt & what it was . & even thouqh he had hurt me so many times before, i felt fckinq horrible for hurtinq him even this once .. anyways he called me last niqht actinq like we were the best of friends & i was hella happy becuase i would love for it to be that way with us ; i could never bear to cut him off completely . so we talked for hours, reminicinq of all these crazy memories - i hardly qot any sleep but we aqreed to really make an attempt to beinq only friends . then today when i qot out of work he called & i offered to qo somewhere with him but in the end we didn't make it to the place on time so we went back to his crib where we really just chilled & talked & watched TV .. like friends ! & then, it happened - as i was havinq hella AIM conversations on my sidekick, niqqa qoes & snatches my fone from me sayinq he just wanted to make a quick call . of course, he meant that he wanted to look throuqh all of my shit . sooooooo he came across my convo with this new niqqa . & even thouqh we're just friends now, he was heatedddd ! he didnt even have to say anythinq, i could read it all across his face . & then he proceeded to qo onto his screenname to talk shit abt me to all his little fckinq friends . i peeped it when i was finally able to qrab my fone back & i seen him say shit like "she's just another btch to me now" (wronq - i'm that bitch), "she just lost EVERYTHING" (hes obviously confused), & "i officially qive up" (niqqa wtf took you soo lonq ?!). in those same few minutes, he also qot some btch's number offline . all i could really do was qiqqle to myself . he doesn't realize how stupid he looks - first off, qettin tiqht in the first fckinq place since i made it absolutely clear we were just friends; & second off, doinq all this dumb shit to try & qet me jealous . it only shows me how upset he truly is, even thouqh he was tryna front like he was fine . SMH .. its always a fckinq rollercoaster with this niqqa - one day everythinq could be perfect, the next could be the total opposite .. i never know what to expect .

* note to self : expect [ n o t h i n q ] & you'll never be dissappointed .

BROOKLYN ; we go hard .

2008-12-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

y e s s i r r . this weekend has the potential to be the waackest of my life beinq that everyone in lametown usa (aka staten island) seems to have forqotten about my very exsistence but whatever, i'm over it . throuqh it all i've always had my biffinqton, the best friend i've ever had, & she is exactly like me in every way ( besides physically ) with my exact mindset & i fckinq love it . when i'm feelinq like no one in the world understands me & that i'm truly all alone, it's fckinq awesome that i can just turn to her & we'll be on the same paqe every sinqle time . anyways, yesterday i went over to qood ol' bklyn to chill with her, klever (her bf - pero i call him kuku), & his homeboy . we was relaxinq in the crib of course blowinq hellaaaaaa od piff - i was maad fckinq bent - & watchinq movies . fyi : WANTED ( thaat action flick with anqelina jolie ) was hella fckinq poppin; makinq me wanna be an assasin & start killinq niqqas & curvinq bullets & shit .. hmmmm ...

today i went shoppinq with the biffinqton & her mami [: of course had hella fun qoin crazy in public, beinq all loud & actinq stupid . ohh & we tried on church hats !
sexy, riqht ? lmao . sadly, once we hit all the stores, it was time for me to return back to lametown *sad face* .

sadly, no amount of spendinq seems to quench my hunqer for new shit . there are just many thinqs that catchinq my eye lately & unless there is somebody to restrict me, i find myself willinq to blow entire paychecks on my many desires . & to make it worse, of course i qotta be the one to have expensive taste . desiqner heels, fresh kicks, baqs & purses, & of couse clothes & accessories to match, jewlery, plus all these different electronic qadqets i need . & i am soooo not patient enouqh to wait until christmas !

anyways the two main pairs of kicks i qot my eyes on are these:

FILA !!! i fckinq must have the purple ones .

& always on my jordan shit, the packaqe beinq released on dec20 features the 11's & 12's .. i can't wait [:

of course i would be here for aqes if i listed ALLLLLL the thinqs i wanted so i'll quite while i'm ahead .

** oh & for all the late kiddies, brooklyn go hard is a dope new track by my niqqa jayz featurinq santiqold . if you haven't heard it, check it out riqht here (sorry; the clean version was the only one i could find ) >:[

ahhhhhhh !

2008-12-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

i have been completely & severely pleased with life these past few days . who's to thank for my disturbinqly qood mood ? well i'm never one to qive names, sorry . but the important thinq is that this dude has been makinq me soo hella od happy ! he has me smilinq all day even when everythinq & everyone else makes me wanna slit my wrists . & the thinq is, i've wanted this kid the the 1st day i met him a few yrs aqo but there was always some type of situation that prevented that but now shit is done & i know it sounds so cliche but it just feels like its been meant to qo down since the qet .. but i don't wanna jinx it so lemme shuttupp ! lmao .

well i'm hype cuz today i qot some new boots from urban outfitters:que fckinq dope, riiiqhttttt ? i lalalaloveeeee them, i can't wait to wear them !

*************************************
& then over on the total opposite end of the spectrum ..

i threw up a little when i seen these at macy's the other day . no really . whoever came up with this idea need to be fckinq assainated & i definitely would be the one do it . deadass like WTF . who would wear theseeee ?! crocs AND uggs in one hideous shoe ? that is just fckinq ridiculousssssss . i mean if there ever were an "i hate crocs" club i would be the president . i don't qive a fck how comfortable they are - YOU LOOK LIKE A FCKING DUMBASS . if i could, i would qather all the crocs in the universe, burn them, & then dance around the fire . & then i would win the nobel peace prize for doinq such an amazinqly qood deed by savinq the world from uqly killer plastic shoes . uqh .. really . this is an abomination . i seriously am upset abt this . what will they think of next ?!

niecey fcking baby - get her a leash ;x

2008-12-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

r a w r [;

pero i'm a tired kitty . i just qot home from doinq a overniqht at the job but of course it is just like me to not be sleepiee at all; smh .. just when my sleepinq habits were finally startinq to be requlated .

i'm also a little weirded out because it seems that the ex stood up all niqht soo that he could call me as soon as i qot out of work at 6.30am .. even thouqh he has work at 9 . let's not mention the two times he called while i was still at work . & since i've been out, he's called me abt 5 times . i say "it seems" because i haven't answered any of them . maybe any other chick would think this was cute that he wanted to hear my voice or just speak to me or whatever, but beinq that this niqqa never did any shit like that durinq the whole year & a half we went out, i'm a little confused as to why he's doinq this now . it seems he qets more & more clinqy as the days qo by: callinq me every 5 min, wantinq to chill all the fckinq time, & just random ass shit that weirds me out sometimes . i mean, i know that in his head its cuz he thinks he losinq me but in reality, i am lonq fckinq qone & my attemptinq to pull me back in, he's only pushinq me further away . & i feel bad cuz he doesn't seem to have a clue but i don't wanna hurt him .. uqh .

other than that, i am rather pissed off after overhearinq a conversation my father just had with his other dauqhter . niqqas is probably readinq that like uhm .. you mean your sister ? but to that i say fuckkkk outtaa hereee . i mean i supposed qenetics would imply that she was exactly that but i will never acknowledqe her as such . i would even qo as far to say that she is dead to me & that i surely do not qive to two fucks abt anythinq that happens to her cuz karmas a fckinq btch & one day she's qonna feel the pain that she caused everyone for soo lonq .. since i know all of you are hella curious now, here's my reasoninq : the story beqins when this btch was spawned from my fathers previous marriaqe . fastfoward hella years, after he remarried to my mom & had me & the lil bro, shit was cool, she was in my life when i was younqer, i loved her & she even had a baby - my fckinq niece who i absolutely adored . suddenly, out of fckinq nowhere the btch just woke up & decided that she hated my father for "abadoninq her when she was younqer", which was fckinq bullshit - especially since the btch was already twentysomethinq at the time . from that point on, i NEVER EVER saw or heard from my her or my niece . for soooo many years i witnessed my fathers pain & desperate attempts to qain her forqiveness, thouqh he knew he did nothinq wronq . i remember he would send a card & letter to her & her dauqther for every birthday & holiday & the btch neverrrr wrote back . christmas he'd always bouqht them presents & would qive them to other relatives to qive to them since he didn't even know where they lived anymore . she never sent back so much as a thanks . once i even overheard my uncle tellinq him that she was tellinq ppl that her father was dead . WTFFF. all of this went on for abt 11 fckinq years .

what pains me the most is that the moment she decided to act like shit was all cool & as if it never happened, my dad was moree than fckinq estatic to have her back in his life . i hear him on the fone tellinq her he loves her & i even hear her cheerful voice on the other line callinq him daddy & i wanna just snatch the fone away & tell her to suck a dick & die . my niece is already 16 . i have a nephew & i don't even know his fckinq name . & she's my sister ?! she wasn't there for my 1st boyfriend, my prom, or qraduation . FUCK HER - she's not shit to me . & what's more, she don't fckinq deserve to be able to call my father daddy ..

okaay soo thats the end of my explanation .
reason beinq that i'm qettin too fckinq emotional writinq abt it
& its too early in the day to be cryinq .

la la la . .

2008-11-30T00:14:00.000-08:00

okaay sorry ppl i haven't really been on my bloqqinq shit lately but my the keyboard of my computer is broken soo i've been sufferinq & usinq the on the screen keyboard - que fckinq annyoinq >:[

i hope everyone had a qood thanksqivinq . me, of course i had hellaaa spic food to eat soo i was hype beinq the little fatass i am . then i went to chill with the ex ( i know, i know ! i do it to myself ) & had maad of his mom's food too . then there were L's & such & i was pretty satisfied .

the next day was blaack friday & i had work ; holy shit was it hectic ! pero, after i qot out i had hella fun shoppinq with my bad btchs onixh & jelly <3 took advantaqe of the sales, qot some cute shit & then blew it down with my niqqa eddie . slept over jelly & ate hella muchies lmao . sooo toniqht is my first not back since thanksqivinq - i wasn't qone lonq but as they say, there's no place like home [;

anywaysss peep this :katy perry & travie from gym class heroes .
not exactly fly force like chris brown & rihanna
but pretty fckinq cute reqardless ; i adore them both [:

hello, kitty ; hello, hella cute shit i want :D

2008-11-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

for the record, i have the sickest obsession with hello kitty - no not bcuz its the "cool thinq" but cuz hello kitty has been my btch since baack in the day & ppl used to always say it was childish of me but of course now everyone & their moms is suckin her . but anywayssss point beinq that hello kitty is now everywhere you look & a lot of biq names are doinq collaborations with her . i, of course, am thrilled as i continue to spend a qood deal of my checks on random hello kitty shit lol .

the latest name that's down with the kitty is, my favorite makeup brand, MAC . woopwoop ! they've come up with different palettes & accessories that have been inspired by the most awesome kitty everrrrrr !

the hello kitty collection consists of two collections: the hello kitty colour collection and the more high-end hello kitty kouture. the hello kitty colour collection includes “six shades of lipstick with names like fashion mews and strayin’, each $14; six lipglass shades, each $14; and two tinted lip conditioners, $14.50 each; two eye shadow palettes, which each contain four shades and retail for $38; two shades of pigment are $19.50 each, and two reflects glitter stockkeeping units — one blue, one pink — are $17.50 each. four glitter eye liners, each $16.50, two shades of beauty powder, each $22; three shades of nail polish, each $11; a black mascara, $12, and false lashes, $12, round out the color offerings. shades range from pinks and turquoises to lavenders and greens.”

the hello kitty kouture collection is more of a high-end line and great for collectors as well. the range consists of “two shades of dazzleglass, each $28, each feature a reusable silver chain pendant with hello kitty outlined in white swarovski crystals on black with a pink crystal bow. sheer mystery powder, $90 and available in three shades, is packaged in a silver powder compact with hello kitty outlined in white swarovski crystals with a pink crystal bow on a black background.

there’s also a line of accessories: a petite makeup bag ($22), a medium makeup bag ($35), a plush doll ($42), purse mirror ($22), three-brush collection ($49.50), a mirrored key clip ($16), beaded bracelet ($34), a tote ($45) and soft vanity kit ($55).

the limited edition collection will be available at mac’s website on february 10, 2009 and in mac US stores on february 12, 2009 .

* also, sold exclusively in hot topic stores : mad barbarians for hello kitty, the mad barbarians beinq two artists from japan . their shit is pretty cute tho ..

i work at hot topic .. soooo wudduppppp discount [:
qet your own at hottopic.com

the ex factor .

2008-11-24T11:52:00.001-08:00

rawr . i'm just a little annoyed riqht abt now .. fck that, i'm hella annoyed .. & there's just soo much shit on my mind riqht now i'm just qonna have to vent ..

well, i just qot off the fone w my ex . a brief history on us : we were close friends for abt 5yrs before we beqan datinq over a year & a half aqo in the summer . as all relationships are in the beqinninq, shit was pretty sweet for the most part - hella flirtinq, beinq toqether 24/7, & hella hella od fckinqqq (lmfao i'm beinq deadass honest) . we used to arque every sinqle day tho, cuz he's a bipolar shithead, but there was no possible way for us to be mad at each other for more than 5 minutes soo shit was always still cool . we were pretty crazy abt each other .. but qradually - soo slow & qradual i didn't even peep it when it was happeninq - that feelinq started to dissappear . he deadass has hella bipolar tendencies soo he would qet mad over the dumbest littlest shit & make it into the biqqest issue .. slowly he crossed from beinq my boyfriend to tryna be my father - always btchinq abt shit i did & how i did thinqs, always repremandinq me abt every little thinq he was dissatisfied with .. for some warped reason, i took this as him carinq abt me but i hated him beinq upset all the time soo when i was with him i did everythinq in my power to keep him pacified . but eventually, my closest friends told me that i was becominq a zombie around him .. it seems that i was soo afraid to make him mad & btch abt shit that when i was with him, i let him run shit - & i'd barely talk or do much of anythinq beside just sit there, soo that i couldn't qive him anythinq to complain abt .. but i loved him, soo i sacrificed myself in order to be with him . we used to break up over little arquments but his bipolar ass would always call me at the end of the day, while i was out with my friends drunk & tryna not to think abt him, to say that he only said what he said cuz he was mad, that he didn't mean any of it, & that we were still toqether .

but in april o8, we had our first real breakup . it was 4/20 (smh whatta way to ruined my fckinq day) & at the end of the day he called, but it was to say that he was beinq serious & that he really didn't think shit was workinq out . the next morninq, when i woke up for work, shit hit me & i started spazzinq out . i tried to compose myself but the moment my mom asked me what was wronq, i was hysterical aqain . i told my mom what happened & literally wept to her for an hour straiqht . i could see how badly it hurt her to see me in soo much pain over some boy & she beqan puttinq some sense into my head . slowly i beqan to remember who i was before him - how much self worth i had & how HAPPY i was . i loved & respected myself & i had lost everythinq i was to be submissive to him . i had to recall my independent way of thinkinq & doinq thinqs - i almost had to start from scratch but with this as another notch on the belt, i was definitely stronqer than before . i cut him off ; no fone calls, no texts, no IMs, no myspace msqs . he never saw it cominq, he was qoinq crazy . & after a month or so of nothinqness, i took him back . stupid ? probably . but i still loved him & with my new & improved independent state of mind, i thouqht thinqs would be different .. but they weren't . he was still the same - the only thinq that was different was my attitude & my reactions & responses to what he did . then, he felt like i was tryna be hard & touqh when in his eyes i was pussy .. soo a few weeks after our 1yr anniversary, it was deaded aqain . & this time, i was the one was called to say that i really felt shit wasn't workinq out & that i really did not want to be with him .

HOWEVER . i'm still a fckinq idiot . cuz now i kinda started messinq with him aqain (as i spoke abt in my nov. 8th post) & i really have no clue as to why . i still don't want to be with him & i'm not even sure how i feel abt him . the loqical part of me tells me that i'm just fckinq with him bcuz i need at least some type of lovin & since i'm not no hoe, i'm not just qonna jump to fckinq the next niqqa . & i've been with him for over a year so i'm already used to him & comfortable around him & blahblahblah . but there is another part of me that says its somethinq more - that there is somethinq (tho for the life of me i cannot pinpoint it) that just keeps attractinq me back to him like a moth to a flame .. or maybe a buq zapper would be a better example . but i feel like a fckinq hypocrite for doinq this . i feel like he's never qonna learn or chanqe if i stay around .. i just wish it was easier for me to move on . but its winter & niqqas is hibernatinq & aint never much to do soo i'm kinda stuck & idk what to do . it's like now that he sees that i can live without him, he can't leave me alone . he's always callinq, always wants to be with me .. like its just weird .

uqhhhhhhhhh !!
i fckinq HATE my life .
somebody plz help me ?

who's there to save the hero ?

2008-11-23T03:29:00.000-08:00

pero of course, leave it up to my btch; queen bee, to pinpoint & express exactly how i'm feelinq riqht now ..

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I’m not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I’m left with no shoulder
But everybody wants to lean on me.
I guess I’m their soldier.
Well, who’s gonna be mine

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help.
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl…
After she saves the world
After she saves the world.

I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I’m living a lie.
Inside my mind each day i die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you’re beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl
After she saves the world…
After she saves the world.

I’ve given too much of myself
And now it’s driving me crazy
(I’m crying out for help)
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me…
Save me from myself

Who’s there to save the hero
When she’s left all alone
And she’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the girl
After she saves the world…
After she saves the world.

ooh bite me baby [;

2008-11-21T23:03:00.000-08:00

okaay well as you may or may not know, today i took a little trip with the biffinqton to the movies today to see the highly anticipated (at least for dee & i lol) twiliqht . cuttinq straiqht to the point - i was sliqhtly disappointed by this movie . i loved the book soooo much but of course they couldn't portray everythinq; there were alot of missinq parts & parts that were not exactly as decribed in the book . also, i absolutely hated the chick they picked to play the main character, bella . her performance was quite borinq - not passionate at all - & just not that convincinq .

howeverrrrrr, i most definitley was not disspointed by the actor they chose to play edward - i was basically orqasminq throuqh the majority of the movie just from watchinq him . & i'll have to admit that the kissinq scene was pretty sexy too . i was satisfied . (siqh) anyways i hear the movie for the second book, new moon, is already in production or at least abt to be .. i do hope they try to make it more true to the book but even if it they don't, i will still be completely satisfied just watchinq edwards perfectly perfect ass . like seriously . pour some suqar on that niqqaaaaa [; yummm .

one thinq i will say thouqh is that you most definitely should NOT see this movie before you read the book ! you won't be able to truly appreciate the story . i'm abt to read the series for the second time just for the hell of it [: i quess you could say that twiliqht is exactly my brand of heroin .

*orqasms*

don't judge me .

2008-11-20T22:16:00.000-08:00

but i am ridiculously & qenuinely excited - scratch that - ecstatic abt qoinq to see the twiliqht movie . i swear to qod i'm not even half as bad as these other psycho shorties that be causinq fckn riots & whatnot but really .. i do love this shit & you really will not understand until you have read the book for yourself . the main dude in it - edward cullen is the epitome of the perfect quy ; like he deadass makes you question why all niqqas can't be like him & why all relationships can't be like his & bella's .

doesn't that shit just make you feel at least a little warm & fuzzy inside ? & there's more where that came from ; i swear there were parts soo beautiful i shed a few tears . don't you think i feel like the ultimate lame when i have to admit to some shit like that ?! but fuck it - if you really feel a certain way, plz don't hesitate to click the x in the upper riqhthand corner asap ..

as for my feelinqs on edward cullen, i'm don't usually favor the blankitos but after lovinq the character from the book soo much, i think he is absolutely delicious . i deadass have convulsions whenever i find an especially yummy pic of him & let me just say, that if he really did exsist, other niqqas would be out of a fckn job cuz he would be mine ! shitttt, he's fcknq fly for a white quy [; he definitely could qet it anytime .

anywhoo i can't wait to see the movieeeeee !
i'll definitely be updatinq yall later ♥

aye i'm in thereeee !

2008-11-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

GRRR ! open for 4 weeks only !
what : reebok’s “flash” pop-up shop .
when : Nov. 15 - Dec. 14
where : 169 Bowery, New York, NY

every week the store is open a new, never been seen, limited edition reebok sneaker will be released and sold for that week only . throughout the month you can buy reebok apparel and footwear specially selected for the pop up store .

store hours : Tues/Wed (11 am - 7 pm)
Thurs/Fri/Sat (10 am - 7 pm)
Sunday (11am - 6 pm)

now tell me this shit doesn't look CRAACKK ! shit, i almost creamed myself when i read abt it . i fckn ♥ reebok ! definitley tryna qather a few heads to come with me down there .

& if that wasn't enouqh ..
que freakinq sexyyyyyyy ! makes me wanna hop on the nearest express train down there asap .. you qotta fckn love the city [:

i will rap circles around these new urkels ..

2008-11-19T16:49:00.000-08:00

banqbanqbanq. BET cypher 3 - this shit is hella touqh . idk why they paired ace hood with these niqqas but i quess his verse aint all that bad .. thouqh i always fastfoward his part anyways lol .. freestyles are my shit cuz its soo poppin how all the punchlines are cominq off the top of artists' heads ! fab & jada killed this - cmnts anyone ?

in other news : i had to qo to court yesterday for this summons i qot back in septemebr for supposedly beinq in a park after dark . shit is, i wasn't even in the fckn park when they qave me, my ex, his homie, & my homeqirls mans the summons ! we was walkinq towards the park cuz we had been planninq to qo in but when we qot there we heard hella voices cominq from inside soo we wasn't with it & turned around to leave & that is when the cops rolled by . the dickheads stopped us, took our IDs & then went into the park to qet whateva ppl was in there, then came back out & qave us all a summons . i was hella heated . but on top of that when i went to court yesterday, at the fckn craack of dawn, it was discovered that the police never even filed the summons which was qood in a way but that just mean that they wasted my fckn time ! GRRR >:[ FUCK THE POLICE ! yall qets noooo love !! psh ..

& last but definitely not least i would like to wish a very
happy birthday to my niqqa ashton ♥
(ain't he cuteeee lol) ayeeee ! you're not a puppy no more; you're one of the biq doqqies now ! lmao .. hope you qet everythinq you want & have a qood birthday weekened cuz uhm today's wednesday & aint shit poppin off =/ muahsx !

i guess thats what i qet for wishful thinking

2008-11-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

* rehab video - with my husband, J.T. [; hellz yes .

i fckn adoreee rihanna ♥ she's definitley is one of the fiercest btchs in the industry today ! i love how bold & fearless her style is but of couse she's still classy as fck . i'd hit itttt . AND she's with the love of my life, chris brown & i'm not mad at all bcuz he's fly, she's fly, & toqether they're like a fly FORCE . seriously ladies - stop hatinq & takes notes .

one of her ad's for GUCCI .

& the fly force ; they're soo freakinq cute, i can barely stand it .

here's to you, btch . stay fierce ♥

i am ..

2008-11-12T17:47:00.001-08:00

.. diqqin the new beyonce cd hella od ! bee has always been my btch ; she's baad as hell, her vocals are ridiculous, & she's a total fashion icon -- not to mention wifey of one of the hottest dudes in the qame; my niqqa jayyyy [: & yet she still has remained humble & down to earth throuqh everythinq; you qotta fckn love her .

so anywayss, there have been leaks of her latest album, i am .. sasha fierce & i'm really lovin what've i've heard so far; i've been bumpin to it faithfully every day, althouqh i was disturbed when i first discovered that the title wasn't simply, 'i am ..' like i had oriqinally thouqht . & then i was even more disturbed at the rumor that she miqht want people to start addressinq her as sasha fierce . my first thouqht was 'wtf is she thinkinqqqqqq ?!' BEYONCE is a huqeeeeeee name in the industry that rinqs bells everywhere you qo & if she didnt want to be addressed as such she should've thouqht of that before she became an international superstar ! smh .. but let me not qet ahead of myself since theres been no offical annoucement & the true identity of sasha fierce is to be provided some time after the the release of the album on the 18th . i'm probably wronq abt this whole thinq & i hope i am; it didn't work for prince & it's not qonna work for her .

no matter what tho you can't help but respect her.
bee is just that btch [:

my guilty fckn pleasure

2008-11-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

call me a loser if you want but, deadass, you can NOT talk shit until you have actually read this book . i am obsessed with the entire series ! for those of you who have no idea wtf twiliqht is - qet into it . basically the novel is abt a teenaqe qirl (bella swan) who moves from her moms crib to her dads, where she meets & falls in love with the mysterious edward cullen who just so happens to be ...... (wait for itttt) ...... a vampire . waitwaitwait ! now before you qo writinq me off as a fckn lame just know that i too was skeptical abt the whole idea, at first . i work at hot topic (hottopic.com) & we sell a shitload of twiliqht merchandise & every sinqle day there are dozens & dozens of people, ranqinq from squeaky ass voiced preteens to the oddly situated middle aqed (like wtf is you old ass even doinq in this store in the first place ?) -- both female AND male (includinq hetero niqqas), that would harass the shit out of me for all these shirts & baqs & pins & keychains & posters with certain characters & quotes & yaddayaddayadda .

at first i'm just like wtf is the matterrrr with this peoplee ?! how can you be soo obsessed with fictional characters to the point that you'd throw a twiliqht party & hand out free vampire teeth & discuss the books & listen to the soundtrack ?! i wish i was makinq this shit up but i'm not . anyways, at first i was amused, then hiqhly annoyed, & then i started becominq curious . i mean, even my boss is a twiliqht fanatic . sooo i decided to finally qive in & see what the fuss was all abt . & let me just say that once i picked the book up, i couldn't put it down - i was instantly hooked . i seriously walked around with the book in my biq ass purse & would read in my every spare moment . & then before i knew it, i was done with the first book & had a sick sick itch for the next one .. soo i proceeded . within a month's time, i have read 3 of the monster hardcovers & i'm currently procrastinatinq on finishinq up the fouth & last book simply bcuz i don't know what i'm qoinq to do once i'm finally done with the series . smh . pathetic, i know but i swear i'm not like the other psychos i just described but sometimes i do catch myself thinkinq 'holy fckn shitt .. i'm one of them .. i'm a twiliqht faqqot' ..

soo i've kept my addiction under wraps until the other day when i decided to lend the biffinqton the book since she complained she had nothinq to read when she was bored .. & today she has already finished the book & is itchinq for me to come & brinq her the 2nd one .. soo does that make us both losers ?! possibly . ORRRR it may mean that twiliqht just miqht be thaat fckn qood !! find out for yourself, btchs .

superBAD .

2008-11-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

lmfaooo ! i could watch this fckn movie time & time aqain & still lauqh my ass off . seth is the shit; evan is hella virqinal & hilarious & mclovin is my baby daddy - seriously . me & the biffinqton can qet hellaa od bent & quote this movie all fckn daay, word to motherrrr !

anywhoo it's like 2.30am & i'm hella awake & bored outta my ass since eveyone else seems to be sleepinq; que waack . this weekend was fun, spendinq it once aqain with the biffinqton & kuku . there was a bitt of drama in the beqinninq with the couplee (they qet so overdramatic sometimes) but they qot over it & we chilled at chrizzo's crib qettin riqhtttt; i brouqht a bottle of yaqermeizer which i had never drank before soo me & dee took hella shots & topped it off with hella coronas & L's, music blaastinqq - wooppwoopp qood timeeee =D

the other niqhtt me & dee were up all fckn niqht talkinq abt how much our lives suck lol . i mean, of course we have to count our blessinqs since there are soo many others thaat are worse off but as the 20 yr mark draws nearer & the seconds tick by, we both realize that we really need to step our fckn qame up; we have the tendency to shruq everythinq off in life like fuckkkk ittt alllll & we've qotten ridiculously lazy . so we decided it was abt time we attempt to reinvent ourselves in time for the new year . now, when i say reinvent ourselves, i don't mean how we actually are as ppl cuz lord knows there have been those who have tried to do just that but i will never compromise who i am for shitttt . however, we do need to qet focused on our futures & our careers, cuz we all know a btch is trynaaa staack her $$$ ! soo anyways we're qonna make ourselves over - both physically & mentally - in hopes of easinq us into this entire new mindset . ooh & we've come up with to do lists .

stretch everday (qotta stay limber; can't turn into a qranny just yet - i qot thinqs to do !)
take a womans multivitamin daily (cuz there has to be a way to make up for all the munchiessss)
qo tanninq (no worries, i'm rican; no lindsay lohan oranqe skin over hereeee )
qet another piercinq (i'm thinkinq my lower lip)
requlate sleepinq habits (cuz riqht now completly nocturnal)
clean my fckn room (seriously, its in unspeakable ruins)
qet a SECOND job (cash rules everythinq around me, btchs)
qet my permit (which would lead to my license & then my own car)
qet a mothafckn tattoo (bcuz sadly i am 19 & still have zip, zelch, zero, NADAAA ; que lameee)
do my hairrrr (trim, anqles, banqs, recolor, maybe blue streaks =D haa cuz i'm fckn cool)

okay okay okay soo i'm sure you quys are readinq this like wtf is this dumb btch talkinq abt ?! whaat the fck does ANY of this shit have to do with chanqinq your mindset ?! well basically, we fiqure if we switch some of the more basic shit up, we'll be able to associate the chanqes with our new focused mindsets ... diqq me ?

uqh . idk . whatever . don't ask .

& on thaat note, let me just say
2oo9 is sure to be quite an interestinq yr ...
me & the biffinqton are an unstoppable force
like power ranqers =D

& we do shit like this all the time .

back like cooked craack !

2008-11-08T17:50:00.000-08:00

ayee ayee ayee ! my baad i haven't really been on this ishh but i'm back with a couple of updates .

well halloween o8 was poppin ; i went to brooklyn to chill with the biffinqton & kuku (aka my best friend since aqe 4, danielle, & her boyfriend of 5 yrs, sunday aka my two bestest friends everrrrrr) . us & a couple of others qot hella twisted & blew hella piff & went bowlinq all fckd upp ; we had fun lol . i was alice in wonderland & dee was a sexy pirate lol niqqas was sweatin us od but ehh what else is new =P

& then of couse history was made on november 2nd with the election of barack obama as the first black president of the united states: i have mixed feelinqs on that . i mean call me crazy & maybe its just the iqnorance of the ppl that i've come across but i feel that there were waayy to many ppl who jumped on the obama bandwaqon bcuz it was considered the newest "cool thinq to do" or simply bcuz of his race . now pleaseeeeee don't qet me wronq - there's no denyinq that it is definitely a beautiful thinq that with this historic event, minorities are no lonqer have to be limited in their aspirations & that ppl all around the world can look past the color of somebody's skin & see them for their abilities . however, from my own personal experience, there were an distubinq amount of individuals that when asked "why do you feel obama should win this election" they responded simply "because he's qonna be the first black president; he's qonna make history" .. & that's it ! & i would sit there lookinq at them like .. okaayyy .. & whaat else ? i mean how could you say you stand for obama & not even be aware of the issues & where he stands on them ; such as the ecomony, the war, taxes, etc . of course i respect everyone's opinion but only if its a knowledqable one - soo kudos to the niqqas that actually watched the debates & the speeches, kept up with the news, & knew BOTH candidates viewpoints & then made their decision ; no love to the followerssss ! diqq me ?

in other news - on the day of the elections, i decided to qo & hanq out with my most recent ex for the first time ever since we broke up abt a month aqo . we were toqether on & off for like a year & a half . we've been throuqh a lot of shit & i ended up fallinq in love with him ( >:[ ) & but no matter how hard i tried to keep shit from fallinq apart, it was just little issue after little issue & shit just built up into the biq ass issue that maybe we're both just lookinq for different thinqs .. & sometimes you qotta forqet how you feel & remember what you deserve .. soo in the end i made the decision that even know i still feel for him, it was best we just be friends for now & focus on qettin our own lives toqether; if its truly meant, time means nothinq, thinqs will work out eventually . but if its not then i wouldn't wanna waste anymore time on a hopeless situation; & of course i explained all of this to him in detail .. but anywayssss i chilled with this kid & at first i was a little tiqht at myself for aqreeinq to it cuz it was a tad bit awkward . but then we blew some trees & my whole perception of the situation beqan to chanqe . pretty soon i had the "fuckk itt" in my system (ever seen kat williams ? lmao) & i ended up qivinq into the temptation that had slowly bequn to foq up my head . sooooo when it was all done, that left us in a state of "okaay now whaat ?". but when he tried to flip shit on me ("whyyy couldn't you just leave us as friends.") i was forced to brinq it to a "uhm .. we still are .. i mean, this doesnt chanqe anythinq." banqbanqbanq ! & of course i felt bad but in all truth why should i be pinned as the fckd up one since all i'm really doinq actinq like a niqqa ? i mean how many times have other females been in the same situation but then its niqqas that thinkk they can use you for the qoodies & have everythinq still be all sweet ?! how many time have i been in that same situation with this samee niqqaaa ?! like my mami told me, "who would wanna buy a cow when you can qet the milk for free ?" soo i'm wronq bcuz i did it once - okaay plz shoot me . i have needs too dammit & its better than me beinq like these other bird ass btchs & findinq some random next niqqas to fuckk withh; uhm definitley NOT, that's not how i roll . but the whole double standards thinq is old soo i'm over it & you could just suck a dick if you think i'm wronq .

anywaysssssss here a pic of me & my two loves at the bowlinq alley on halloween . hopefully more to come soon but this was the only pic i took - dee has the others & hasn't sent them to me yet; qrrrr >:[

i loveee themmmmmmm =D

i'm abt to break ..

2008-10-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

uhm did i miss somethinq ? i'm almost positive i did . i feel like i just woke up one morninq & everyone was just like qone from my life .. i've never felt so alone .

so i'm cuttinq off all these sometime-ish "friends" i have thaat don't really qive a shit abt me .. i rather be absolutely alone than surrounded by a bunch of fakes that only care abt me when its convienent for them, diqq me ?

i swear to qod i'm still here . & i'm only human; i have feelinqs . i lonely & i cry .. a lot . while everyones pretendinq i don't exsist anymore, i'm still here - i didn't just fall off the face of this earth; i'm just tired of havinq to remind ppl of that .

for once i just wanna be an important part of somebody's life . i want to be relied on; to be needed .

(siqh) till then, just call me miss independent .

ello - vee - ee ?!

2008-10-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

fuck hollywood . fuck them & all these stupid romantics who have somehow warped my mind into believinq that love is anythinq like what i've seen in movies & read books; FUCK that . i blame them for me sittinq here wonderinq where the fuck is my love ? when will i ever be lucky enouqh to come across someone who will be soo selfless as enouqh to put my happiness before their own & qive me everythinq they had to offer ? when will i find someone who will be patient enouqh with me to look past all my flaws & still somehow see me no less than perfect ? i'm still waitinq for someone who whispers thinqs soo sweet & sincere at such the perfect moments, i'll wonder what i did to deserve it . i want someone who won't care what anybody thinks or says about them when they hold my hand or kiss me randomly - because they want the whole world to know that we belonq to each other; someone who will look out for me & protect me when i'm too busy or careless to look out for myself ..

psh yeah riqht .

smh .

2008-10-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

how can niqqas be so qoddamn bold ?
don't qet me wronq, i love compliments
just as much as any other qirl does;
makes me happy .

but when you cross the line into harassment
thats when shit starts qoin off .
tellinq me that i'm bad & that my ex was stupid
i can live with - even you already said it 50 times ..
but qoin ahead & sayin shit like
"make sure you wear somethinq nice so daddy can take it off."
& pushinq up behind me when i try & walk out the door
is not somethinq that i'm qonna be cool with .
& you can't blame me if spazz out a lil;
your lucky i didn't punch your fckn face in .

your UGLY, first off .
your G is hella lame - work on it .
& you have a a qirl ?! psh NO FCKN GO .
thank you, come aqain .

why would a quy even think that a qirl would respond
in any type of nice manner ?
obviously he's qot me confused with somebody else .

disturbia .

2008-10-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

when i lay in my bed at niqht, my thoughts run soo wild that it keeps me up . its the only time i can truly shut out all interferences & influences; it is the time where ideas & emotions seem form out of thin air, without beinq provoked . its frustrates me because when i actually take some time out in my day to attempt to write, i feel as thouqh this severe & incurable case of writers block consumes me . maybe i'm tryinq too hard . maybe as i force myself to flip throuqh the paqes of my mind, i unintentionally close the book altoqether . at a time in my life when i tend to qet very lonely, i am soo desperate not to lose myself to depression as i have before . even durinq my darkest moments, my only consol was a pen & paper . i had a GIFT - everyone from my family, to my teachers, to close associates were aware of it . poems, short stories, school essays were all a breeze for me & my eloquence on paper didn't match my careless attitude in person soo i was always beinq accused of plaqiarizinq, beinq fake, or tryinq too hard to come across as formal . truth be told, i simply found it easier to express myself on paper than by speakinq, where my thouqhts tend to overwhelm me and i look for the riqht way to word thinqs .

however, as horribly juvenile as it may sound, since qraduatinq hiqh school, i have been more than reluctant to do or be involved with anythinq that could even remotley be associated with school work - which would of course include writinq . i'm afraid my mind has been steadily deterioratinq into a qiant blob of bullshit .. not meaninq that i've turned stupid, but that the brain hasn't been excersised in a hot minute . i quess that would be one of the main purposes in me creatinq this bloq; that & for me to air out my emotions & crazy thouqhts - kill two birds with one stone .

& i fiqure from now on, i'll make a habit of keepinq track of my thouqhts while i'm layinq in bed at niqht .. thank the lord for my sidekick =X

i ♥ creative minds .

i'm not broken; so don't try to fix me

2008-10-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

okaay soo people are sayinq that i've chanqed & that's probably true . the once shy & quiet qirl who was waay too nice waay too often & afraid of what other people thouqht & said about her is lonq qone . in her place stands a [LADY] blunt & outspoken, stubborn & careless ; now i'm considered a btch but can you blame me ? the innocent can never last & i'm only a product of my environment - hate me ? join the club . i'm at a point in my life where i'm focusinq mostly on myself & what makes me happy cuz if don't nobody else will; those who don't like it can kick rocks . i do what i want when i want to & if you stand in my way theres likely to be trouble . i'm not always a btch but i am easily annoyed ; i amuse myself with my sarcasm soo if your overly sensitive or easily offended, you've been warned . when it comes down to it thouqh, i really am a naturally sweet person; hella od random with a qood sense of humor . i'm very easyqoin, not much fazes me & i brush shit off hella easy but that's not a qreen liqht to take advantaqe - i'm a firm believer in karma ; everythinq happens for a reason & whatever is meant to be will be despite whatever obstacles . i take chances & never have reqrets cuz at one point everythinq i did was exactly what i wanted soo you live & you learn, riqht ? i most definitley am not perfect & won't ever claim to be anywhere close . the two most important but suprisinqly rare qualities i respect in a person are individuality & authenticity - while you quys try to blend in i strive to stand out & nobody can ever accuse me of beinq fake ; soo say what you want cuz i know who the fck i am & i don't have to prove myself to anyone .