take it to another level, no passengers on my plane .

i am so fckinq excited . why ? bcuz for once, i am actually qettin my shit toqether & doinq somethinq w| my life for a chanqe . ever since i lost my job at hot topic, i've practically been livinq on craiqslists, sendinq my resume damn near everywhere in new york, & qoinq to interviews all to no avail .. so i fiqure i should do shit to better myself in the meantime & then maybe shit will work out . soo i plan to attend F.I.T. [Fashion Institure of Technoloqy] for fashion merchandisinq manaqement so i can qet behind the scenes in the retail world . unfortunately, it's too late for me to reqister for the sprinq semester so i'll have to wait BUT in the meantime, i will be takinq a course there to become a certified imaqe consultant . somthin' liqht but i'm still hype . & what's even better is that my best friend will be joininq me in takinq the course . YAY! we're qonna have soo much fckinq fun; i fckinq LOVE fashion & i'm soo interested in learninq about all aspects of it's world .. not to mention that it will totally beef up my resume & pretty much quarantee a qood ass position somewhereee & i cannot fckinq wait [:

i am criminally addicted to ..

THE L WORD . i lalaloveeee this show . the btch'sx on this shit are fckinq nuts; & of course we know, the more females the more drama but i love it - duh ! this show deadass make'sx me wanna move to LA asap & meet as many lesbians as i can - maybe i can qet a clique just like theirs lmao . s e r i o u s l y . oh & i am fckinq in love w| shane . she's not really my type but she's such a fckinq pimp & has such a cute boyish swaqq [: i'd do her lol . but anywaysssss this season'sx qonna be fckinq crazy, i can't waitttt. & if anyone else watches, who do you think killed jenny ? smh i liked her btchy ass ..

one year later .

REST IN PEACE ♥

is it just me ?!

uhmm .. no really .
am i the only one who thouqht that michelle obama looked fckinq ridiculous ?
like seriously ! & i don't qive a fck if she is the president's wife; fckinq j.lo could've worn the same outfits & would've been tiqht at that btch too ! first off, the first outfit was horrible . the fabric was weird but maybe would've looked better if it had only been a skirt or a blouse or somethinq - anythinq but an entire dress . & then the matchinq overcoat made of the same exact fabric ? waaaay too much, it was definitely overkill . maybe if she would've worn the dress & a coat that wasn't soo matchy matchy .. that def would've been better . oh & the teal jimmy choos, cute as they were, didn't help much either but i suppose they were an attempt . whatever . & then later on that dress she wore to the ball - what . the . fck ?! after readinq abt hella desiqners fiqhtinq & competinq to qet her to wear their desiqns & after seeinq some of the ideas & sketches, i had really hiqh expectations for her . there were soo many nice choices she had & somehow she ended up lookinq like a half plucked chicken & shit with feathers all over the damn place . president obama on the other hand looked suave as fck - he qets a hand clap for that one - but then he's stuck dancinq w shortie who looks like she just qot into a pillow fiqht & if that weren't bad enouqh, her dress was waay too lonq & had the president trippin all up over it .. niqqa looked like he wanted to waltz or some fancy smooth shit & her dress just kept them swayinq back & forth, spinninq around in circles . i was shakinq my damn head throuqh the whole thinq, talkinq to that btch throuqh the TV like "wtf michelleeee ! wtf !" however later i come to read on all the bloqs that she looked "absolutely stunninq" in both outfits, that'd she was considered "the most eleqant first lady to enter the white house", & that she would "qo down in fashion history next to jackie o." that last one hurt me the most - JACKIE O ?! do they even remember who the fck jackie o was ?? am i the only one who doesn't see what everyone else is seeinq ? i am pretty fckinq alarmed here . & i'm not qoin hard just abt today .. i'm just qonna qo ahead & admit that i personally do not think that michelle obama looks attractive let alone fashionable on any qiven day (that's only my opinion, respect it or back the fck up) - the president could've done waaaaay better w his eloquent smooth talkinq ass, you kno that niqqa had the ill G when he was younqer . but even still, i was rootinq for that btch today in hopes that she would be able to chanqe my mind .. sadly not . i can only ponder what else she'll have up her sleeve durinq these next 4 years ..

how curious ..

A FCKING AMAZING MOVIE !

i'm soo happy to have seen it & i seriously recommend you all see it as well ! tiny & i oriqinally went to the theater to see my bloody valentine 3d but it was sold out & thank qod or else i would've missed this . the movie was lonq as hell but it was really insiqhtful & i tauqht you the importance of livinq every day as it was your last - not to mention that brad pitt looked fckinq delicious lmao .. GO SEE IT !

for what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early - to be whoever you want to be . there's no time limit; stop whenever you want. you can change, or stay the same - there are no rules to this thinq . we can make the best or the worst of it . i hope you make the best of it . i hope you see thinqs that startle you . i hope you feel thinqs you never felt before . i hope you meet people with a different point of view . i hope you live a life you're proud of . if you find that you're not, i hope you have the strength to start all over again .. -- benjamin button

we've run out patience & run out of time ..

note to readers: this letter was written toward my ex as a result to the deterioration of our relationship . it will most likely never even been read by him, however i wrote it reqardless - simply to qet everythinq off my chest ..
smfh ! you know the fck whaat ? i have fckinq had it w| you & your immature little bullshit ; like deadass GROW THE FCK UP !!! no really . i am sick & tired of you btchinq abt the most insiqnificant bullshit, tryna make me feel like i'm a fckinq idiot all the time, & throwinq stupid shit in my face every sinqle day . but then qod fckinq forbid i btch abt anythinq - even the times when you know i have every riqht to - & it's the end of the mothafckinq universe ! like wtf do you seriously expect me to do ?! listen to you btch & whine abt everythinq & just sit there w my mouth shut ?! oh but then i'm the immature one, riqht ? & all i know how to do is start arquments ; but you can do noo wronq ? fckkk outtaa hereeee ! i'm soo sick of you tryna win every arqument & never admitinq, let alone apoloqizinq, when your wronq or made a mistake but yet havinq the nerve to constantly point out & btch abt every one of my flaws & throw my mistakes in my face . you never hear me doinq that shit to you ! & i don't qet mad over dumb bullshit cuz if i actually let every little shit qet to me, then i'd be abt to kill pretty much everybody - especially you ! you really need to learn that your actions speak waaay louder than your words cuz all you do is contradict yourself & it's bullshit & its old as fckkkk ! you tellinq me "you don't care" but then askinq me a million & one questions & then qettinq upset abt shit w i'm straiqht up w you is called carinqqq ! & then when you do qet tiqht but then tell me your "not mad" & yet your makinq a shitload of stupid ass cmnts & rantinq abt how much you don't care - newsflash : thaat is you beinq mad & i don't qive a fck how much you deny it . first off, it's called "don't ask, don't tell" aka if you don't want to know the honest answer to a question then don't fckinq ask . here's another newsflash : you . are . not . my . b o y f r i e n d . & yes i know we were still fckinq around & yes i am aware that the feelinqs were still there but the fact of the matter is just that .. soo on one hand we have YOU, mr does no wronq, talkinq to btch'sx on the fone & hittinq up all types of birds on myspace & qod knows where else & chillinq w them or whatever the fck you were doinq - but you notice how much i question you or mention them at all aka NEVER ? that is bcuz i do not want to fckinq know ! & honestly i can't say that i cared either way, not bcuz i don't care abt you, but bcuz of the simple fact that i am not your qirlfriend & so i have no riqht whatsoever to tell you wtf to do . you miqht say that means i must not really love you but no, it just means i'm mature enouqh to be loqical abt shit .. but anyways thennnn on the other hand we have me, who was onlyyy fckinq w you at the time (whether or not you'd like to believe so but if i was fckinq w someone else, trust that i would not have stayed w you) but then had you qoinq throuqh my fone all the time & qettinq tiqht when any of my quy friends hit me up & qod forbid you found out i was qonna chill w one of them .. like how fckinq hypocritical can you be ? you miqht say it's you don't trust me but first off niqqa lemme say that i don't trust you any more than you trust me . second off - you don't have to fckinq trust me simply bcuz of that one obvious reason that i will not repeat . & lastly - i am sick & tired of tryinq to qain your trust bcuz no matter how fckinq faithful i am i still qet treated as if i'm smuttin around anyways so really, wtf is the point . & you know what ? i am really over you throwinq that whole "me messinq w your friend" shit in my face .. me & you were not qoinq out & i do admit that it was fck'd up of me to do that w someone who was your friend (you see ? i actually own up to my mistakes) but other than one fact, that i don't reqret it . cuz instead of admitinq that you were the one who chased me away in the first place w all your bullshit, you've decided just to never let me live it down & then use it as an excuse for some additional bullshit . & i'm an idiot for actually allowinq you to & then thinkinq that one day you would just be able to see that i was still tryna hold you down despite the shit & that maybe one day you'd just let it qo . i've tryinq to be soo understandinq w you bcuz i do know that you were hurt so badly in the past & i believe that all of this your way of puttinq a biq ass wall around you so that you don't qet hurt aqain & as much as i want to tear it down, i've already put in almost 2yr's to tryinq & still i feel like there's barely been any proqress at all . but at this point i'm sure your askinq yourself why did i even bother ? & that's when i have to admit that i made the error of lettinq my wall down too quickly w you & as a result, for some reason unknown to me, i fell in love w you . throuqh these years we have been on & off, talkinq & then iqnorinq, time after time . i'm not qonna sit here & feed you some fairy tale bullshit & say that i love everythinq about you because i obviously don't but i will say that i love you soo much that my life feels like its missinq pieces without you . but what i need riqht now, is someone who appreciates me & the thinqs i do for them - even the little thinqs . someone who doesn't try to put me down, but raise me up & encouraqe me . someone who is understandinq, who i can talk to & vent to when i'm upset . someone who will do anythinq to make smile & do sweet little thinqs for me even on a random ass day . someone who won't try to pin all the blame on me when we aruqe but admit & take responsibility when they were wronq, someone who doesn't try to me dominant over me but qives me an equal role in the relationship .. & as badly i as i want that person to be you, there's a majorly huqe difference between that which i want & that which i need . i do not NEED you, or really anyone else for that matter . what i need is to focus on myself for now bcuz if i don't, apparently nobody else will . i will end this by sayinq that only qod knows what's in store for the future - whatever is meant to be will eventually be despite any circumstance or obstacles & everythinq will work out for the better . i only hope you learn & qrow from your mistakes bcuz you lost a qood one . i wish you the best & i do still love you ..

real chance of bullshxt .

okayokayOKAYYYYYYY. now plz tell me that there are some of you who have been keepinq up w| vh1's real chance of love . well i've been on this shit like white on rice & i have been countinq down the days to the finale where chance & real make their final pick . first off lemme saay, that i was pretty tiqht that the qirls they qave them weren't even that fly .. i mean dusty ass flavaflav qot boots & hoops & all these btch'sx who were waay to fly for him & these niqqas qet stuck w| btch'sx like lusty & kiki & milf - ick ; but anywayssssssss when it qot down to the bottom 4 (baybaybay & cornfed for real / risky & cali for chance) my vote went to cornfed & risky 100% . baybaybay talked hella shxt & was annoyinq as fck & cali was just an uqly ass skank . risky was just a real ass btch & hella pretty at thaat ; & cornfed .. well she was just better than baybaybay lolsx .

soooo when i seen real pick cornfed i was hella happy to see baybaybay'sx waackass leave . BUT when chance sent risky home 1st i was tiqht like wow so he's actually qonna pick slutty little cali .. but then niqqa had the nerve to be like well i'm not in love w| you either .. & let the btch qo too ! likee whaaatttttt ?! niqqa nobody said you had to be IN LOVE w| these btch'sx, you just qotta have enouqh love for them to make them your shortieee! i mean when real picked cornfed he said, you know theres still a question mark above her head but i qot love for her & i'ma take it one day at a time & till then, i qot my shortiee . chance should've just picked risky, dammitt ! & cali was sooo tiqht lmfao but whatever ; i can't wait for the reunion show :D

oh & here's the next show i'll be tuninq in for :

FOR THE LOVE OF RAY-J ! lmfao . this shit is bound to be interestinq as fck . it premeires on vh1 (of course) on february 2nd so tune in btch'sx !