we've run out patience & run out of time ..

note to readers: this letter was written toward my ex as a result to the deterioration of our relationship . it will most likely never even been read by him, however i wrote it reqardless - simply to qet everythinq off my chest ..
smfh ! you know the fck whaat ? i have fckinq had it w| you & your immature little bullshit ; like deadass GROW THE FCK UP !!! no really . i am sick & tired of you btchinq abt the most insiqnificant bullshit, tryna make me feel like i'm a fckinq idiot all the time, & throwinq stupid shit in my face every sinqle day . but then qod fckinq forbid i btch abt anythinq - even the times when you know i have every riqht to - & it's the end of the mothafckinq universe ! like wtf do you seriously expect me to do ?! listen to you btch & whine abt everythinq & just sit there w my mouth shut ?! oh but then i'm the immature one, riqht ? & all i know how to do is start arquments ; but you can do noo wronq ? fckkk outtaa hereeee ! i'm soo sick of you tryna win every arqument & never admitinq, let alone apoloqizinq, when your wronq or made a mistake but yet havinq the nerve to constantly point out & btch abt every one of my flaws & throw my mistakes in my face . you never hear me doinq that shit to you ! & i don't qet mad over dumb bullshit cuz if i actually let every little shit qet to me, then i'd be abt to kill pretty much everybody - especially you ! you really need to learn that your actions speak waaay louder than your words cuz all you do is contradict yourself & it's bullshit & its old as fckkkk ! you tellinq me "you don't care" but then askinq me a million & one questions & then qettinq upset abt shit w i'm straiqht up w you is called carinqqq ! & then when you do qet tiqht but then tell me your "not mad" & yet your makinq a shitload of stupid ass cmnts & rantinq abt how much you don't care - newsflash : thaat is you beinq mad & i don't qive a fck how much you deny it . first off, it's called "don't ask, don't tell" aka if you don't want to know the honest answer to a question then don't fckinq ask . here's another newsflash : you . are . not . my . b o y f r i e n d . & yes i know we were still fckinq around & yes i am aware that the feelinqs were still there but the fact of the matter is just that .. soo on one hand we have YOU, mr does no wronq, talkinq to btch'sx on the fone & hittinq up all types of birds on myspace & qod knows where else & chillinq w them or whatever the fck you were doinq - but you notice how much i question you or mention them at all aka NEVER ? that is bcuz i do not want to fckinq know ! & honestly i can't say that i cared either way, not bcuz i don't care abt you, but bcuz of the simple fact that i am not your qirlfriend & so i have no riqht whatsoever to tell you wtf to do . you miqht say that means i must not really love you but no, it just means i'm mature enouqh to be loqical abt shit .. but anyways thennnn on the other hand we have me, who was onlyyy fckinq w you at the time (whether or not you'd like to believe so but if i was fckinq w someone else, trust that i would not have stayed w you) but then had you qoinq throuqh my fone all the time & qettinq tiqht when any of my quy friends hit me up & qod forbid you found out i was qonna chill w one of them .. like how fckinq hypocritical can you be ? you miqht say it's you don't trust me but first off niqqa lemme say that i don't trust you any more than you trust me . second off - you don't have to fckinq trust me simply bcuz of that one obvious reason that i will not repeat . & lastly - i am sick & tired of tryinq to qain your trust bcuz no matter how fckinq faithful i am i still qet treated as if i'm smuttin around anyways so really, wtf is the point . & you know what ? i am really over you throwinq that whole "me messinq w your friend" shit in my face .. me & you were not qoinq out & i do admit that it was fck'd up of me to do that w someone who was your friend (you see ? i actually own up to my mistakes) but other than one fact, that i don't reqret it . cuz instead of admitinq that you were the one who chased me away in the first place w all your bullshit, you've decided just to never let me live it down & then use it as an excuse for some additional bullshit . & i'm an idiot for actually allowinq you to & then thinkinq that one day you would just be able to see that i was still tryna hold you down despite the shit & that maybe one day you'd just let it qo . i've tryinq to be soo understandinq w you bcuz i do know that you were hurt so badly in the past & i believe that all of this your way of puttinq a biq ass wall around you so that you don't qet hurt aqain & as much as i want to tear it down, i've already put in almost 2yr's to tryinq & still i feel like there's barely been any proqress at all . but at this point i'm sure your askinq yourself why did i even bother ? & that's when i have to admit that i made the error of lettinq my wall down too quickly w you & as a result, for some reason unknown to me, i fell in love w you . throuqh these years we have been on & off, talkinq & then iqnorinq, time after time . i'm not qonna sit here & feed you some fairy tale bullshit & say that i love everythinq about you because i obviously don't but i will say that i love you soo much that my life feels like its missinq pieces without you . but what i need riqht now, is someone who appreciates me & the thinqs i do for them - even the little thinqs . someone who doesn't try to put me down, but raise me up & encouraqe me . someone who is understandinq, who i can talk to & vent to when i'm upset . someone who will do anythinq to make smile & do sweet little thinqs for me even on a random ass day . someone who won't try to pin all the blame on me when we aruqe but admit & take responsibility when they were wronq, someone who doesn't try to me dominant over me but qives me an equal role in the relationship .. & as badly i as i want that person to be you, there's a majorly huqe difference between that which i want & that which i need . i do not NEED you, or really anyone else for that matter . what i need is to focus on myself for now bcuz if i don't, apparently nobody else will . i will end this by sayinq that only qod knows what's in store for the future - whatever is meant to be will eventually be despite any circumstance or obstacles & everythinq will work out for the better . i only hope you learn & qrow from your mistakes bcuz you lost a qood one . i wish you the best & i do still love you ..

real chance of bullshxt .

okayokayOKAYYYYYYY. now plz tell me that there are some of you who have been keepinq up w| vh1's real chance of love . well i've been on this shit like white on rice & i have been countinq down the days to the finale where chance & real make their final pick . first off lemme saay, that i was pretty tiqht that the qirls they qave them weren't even that fly .. i mean dusty ass flavaflav qot boots & hoops & all these btch'sx who were waay to fly for him & these niqqas qet stuck w| btch'sx like lusty & kiki & milf - ick ; but anywayssssssss when it qot down to the bottom 4 (baybaybay & cornfed for real / risky & cali for chance) my vote went to cornfed & risky 100% . baybaybay talked hella shxt & was annoyinq as fck & cali was just an uqly ass skank . risky was just a real ass btch & hella pretty at thaat ; & cornfed .. well she was just better than baybaybay lolsx .

soooo when i seen real pick cornfed i was hella happy to see baybaybay'sx waackass leave . BUT when chance sent risky home 1st i was tiqht like wow so he's actually qonna pick slutty little cali .. but then niqqa had the nerve to be like well i'm not in love w| you either .. & let the btch qo too ! likee whaaatttttt ?! niqqa nobody said you had to be IN LOVE w| these btch'sx, you just qotta have enouqh love for them to make them your shortieee! i mean when real picked cornfed he said, you know theres still a question mark above her head but i qot love for her & i'ma take it one day at a time & till then, i qot my shortiee . chance should've just picked risky, dammitt ! & cali was sooo tiqht lmfao but whatever ; i can't wait for the reunion show :D

oh & here's the next show i'll be tuninq in for :

FOR THE LOVE OF RAY-J ! lmfao . this shit is bound to be interestinq as fck . it premeires on vh1 (of course) on february 2nd so tune in btch'sx !

C O N G R A T ' S X ♥

it has been reported that hiphop royalty couple, nas & kelis, are expectinq their first child sometime this year; pretty interested to see how that qoes [:

but now for the real question ;
when do you think a little baby carter will pop up ?
courtesy of none other than #1 power couple jay & bee [for the slow ones] . i'm def excited for that one ..

hot damn .

another dope btch, thaat could alway'sx qet it would be none other than little miss CHRISTINA MILIAN . riqht here would be the video for her latest sinqle "us aqainst the world".




shortiee is fckinq superrrrrrbaaaadddddd lolsx . sooo the question of the day would be : who'sx more dope, in your opinion, ms milian or lauren london ? hmmm ...

like a virqin .. [or not] .

ahhh man . am i the only one who still loves madonna ? i mean the btch is 50 yr's old & look at her ! as i mentioned in a previous post, she is one of the new faces of louis vuitton & in my opinion she looks qreat & the baq & the shoes in this pic are fckinq beautifulllll . but i mean, i've seen other bloqs make cmnts abt her cooch beinq all out in this pic we all kno madonna has never been modest nor shy . have we forqotten all abt her beinq a sex symbol in the 80's ? like c'mon .

not to mention i ♥ this quote from her ..
"there is no such thinqs as the perfect soul mate . if you meet someone & you think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction because your sould mate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a reqular basis & makes you face your shit .."

wise words, madonna .
love her [:

soo fck'd up .

for those of you who don't watch the news & haven't heard; early on new years day, oscar j. grant III, a 22 year old man, was shot in the back & killed by a 27 year old bay area transit police officer . thanks to someone recordinq the scene on their camera fone, it is plainly shown that grant was already beinq restained by several other officers - layinq face down on the floor - when, for no apparent reason, officer johannes mehserle then pulled out his qun & shot the unarmed younq man .


all i have to say about this is, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK . the news stations just show a short clip of the video but when i saw the entire thinq, i was fckinq infuriated . what the fck was the point of this whole thinq ?! you see that they're weren't causinq any trouble - if they were then why would everyone surroundinq the scene be screaminq, "that's fucked up ! let them go !" & so forth . none of the men they were holdinq were resistinq, they were all sittinq lined up aqainst the wall & out of nowhere this fckinq dickheaded cop wanna qo & SHOOT the niqqa ? likeeee deadass . he was UNARMED . whyyyyyyyyy ?! even the other cops looked at him like wtfff . i absolutely HATEEEE the fact that stupid ass cops think that just bcuz they qot a fckinq badqe they are exempt from the fckinq law & can just do whatever the fck they want & qet away w| it . this entire shit was uncalled for ! but this is the time camera fones & the internet can make a difference - nobody can deny the footaqe of this video ! it's not the a fiqment of everyone's imaqination that cops do some fck'd up shit to black ppl.


this world is soo fckinq backwards !
we're abt to have our first black president
in just a few days & racism is still as alive as it ever was !
shakinq . my . fckinq . head

R.I.P. OSCAR J. GRANT III
my heart [b r e a k s] for him & his family .

"fck w| me, i don't qive a shxt; but not my family."

sharon osborne is a fckinq beasttttt; i love that btch .. & meqan can suck a dick & die in her stupid bikini [:

movinq on . okay now i haven't been to the movies ever since i went to see twiliqht hella months aqo cuz for some reason other ppl rather sit around & do nothinq & dish out $10 for a for a movie ticket .. & wtf do i look like qoin to a movie by myself ? lols but anywayssss i am prayinq that i can find somebody to qo w| me to see this oneeeee ..


it looks soo interestinq; not to mention brad pitt looks damn qood, i could just eat him ;x

rawr. i'm vampire .
not really but really .
i can never sleep at niqht but then i sleep all day; the time i wake up, i'm lucky if the sun's still up . the biffinqton is the same exact way tho & thank qod or else i'd be bored outta my fckinq mind awake while everyone else is dead asleep . last niqht we couldn't sleep & stood on the fone w| each other till 11oclock this morninq . then we both woke up around the same time at 5:30ish this eveninq . i really don't kno what's the matter w| either of us & we've tried numerous times to fix our sleepinq habits w| everythinq from warm milk, to smokinq L's (lol), to poppinq nyquil or tylenol PM .. sometimes it'll work for a day or two but then we're riqht back where we started . what to do, what to dooooo ..

until i find a cure,
hit me up . i'll be here all niqht ..