hope everyone had a merry xmas !

baby, i can see your halo ..

i lalaLOVE this sonq & i'm really diqqin the video w| the niqqa from the movie, barbershop - que fckinq cuteee[:



& of course ; the anthem for dope btchs all around the world ..


her backup dancers seem to be the same ones as the ones from 'sinqle ladies'. am i the only one who heard that the darker one was a transvestite ? lol anyways i'm diqqinq the whole sasha fierce swaqq ..





this pic is sooo fckinq dope to me; idk why . her facial expression, the eye makeup, & the cup'o'noodles - as if mrs. carter actually eats thaat shit - its fckinq qenius .

loveeeee herrrrrrr ♥

worst weekend EVER !

no really . i'm not even exaqqeratinqqqqqqq ! it's like this weekend qod just decided he hated me & that he wanted me to be miserable before xmas - as usual . but damn .. it all started on friday, the last time i worked .. but to be prefectly honest, i have no desire whatsoever to qet into storymode so i'm qonna just make this really short .. this was my weekend ..

f r i d a y :

the ex hit me up for the 1st time since he found out abt me & whatshisface ..

some other dude who qot my number started blowin up my fone ridiculous ..

s a t u r d a y :

i broke niqht so i could qo to the mall at the crack & qet on line for the jordan packaqe but ended up beinq too impatient to wait outside in the freezinq cold on a line around the block; so i left empty handed (sadface)..

i qot suspended from work ..

probably qonna be fired if i dont find another job & quit asap ..

was so depressed i hit up my ex to chill ..

qot hella fckinq benttt; drank mad LQ & smoked hella L's ..

sleepover at the ex's ..

s u n d a y :

spent whole day w| him ..

sooo now i am back at square fckinq ONE . i've just been tryinq to stay as busy as i can soo i dont even have time to think abt whats qoinq on & what's qonna happen . i'm just tryinq to stay as optimistic as possibleeeeee ; i know i said biq chanqes were cominq & i'm thinkinq mabe this is just supposed to be my motivation to not qet too comfortable & really qet on my shit & do what i qotta do .

as far as my ex qoes - i know i was tlkinq mad shit abt him before & i was tlkinq to some next niqqa but after chillin w| dude i realized i kinda hyped him up waayy too much & that sadly i was missinq my ex & felt hella quilty abt hurtinq him .. so after already investinq over a year in him, what's one more try ? i mean, i'm not officially back with him but whatever lol .. what can i say ? i'm only human ..

siqh .. see ? optimistic dot com ..

woOp woOp !

35 fckinq followers !

compared to other bloqs, i suppose thats not many
but i still feel hella od special [:

thnx soo much for the love & support
your cmnts are really helpful
& i appreciate all of them ..
you ppl are the shit ♥ muahsx !

bah humbug .

well .. as we all know, christmas is qettinq closer & closer .. i've been qoinq fckinq insane tryna do all my shoppinq for others while the entire time fiqhtinq not to take advantaqe of all these crazy sales & qet myself a shitload of stuff too . i'm qoinq to be piss fckinq broke when all of this is done .

& let me take this time out to say just how much i hate christmas . yes, you read correctly - niecey hates christmas . so qo ahead, call me scrooqe or whatever you can come up with but all this holiday cheer, joy to the world, & merry bullshit makes me fckinq sick . & to make it worse, niqqas was puttinq christmas trees up & playinq those stupid fckinq carols in macys before halloween even hit so of course i was heated . shit is sooo commercialized, all this holly jolly qarbaqe, & i find it to be all soo fckinq fake ! i hate how durinq the holidays everyone's suckinq everyone elses dick & beinq all cheerful & holdinq doors & wishinq everyone well but then once its over, everyone's back on their shit, beinq qrimey, qivinq dirty looks & talkinq shit under their breath .. idk abt any of you but i'm a biq fan of beinq REAL - all day, every fckinq day, 25/8 . don't bullshit me in the sake of "christmas spirit"; your either feelin me or your not & it doesn't have anythinq to do with what time of the year it is . i mean don't qet me wronq, the idea of qood will to all men is totally fine with me but why can't that be a yearlonq messaqe ? & i hate how people always wanna use this time to pretend like the problems in the world & in their own fckinq lives don't exsist . i can't speak for anyone but myself, but all i know is that the holiday season does not put a pause to any of my problems .. & what's worse is when the biq day finally qets here, & everyone's all hoppinq up & down & showinq off their latest shit, i'm sittinq there watchinq them like why the fck is the matter with me ? why am i so upset when everyone else is happy ? i've never been able to answer myself that .. i've never even been able to fiqure out the exact reason for me beinq soo fckinq upset .. all i know is that for as lonq as i can remember, on christmas, while my whole famiy is beinq all joyful in the livinq room, i've snuck away to my room ..

i've cried on christmas every year for as lonq as i can remember ..
& that, my friends, is one of the most pathetic thinq i can admit to you .

GOT MILK ?

i hear it does the body qood - ayeee qimme some of thaattt, daddy [;

i'm wanting more ..

"i've qot it all but i feel so deprived - i qo up, i qo down & i'm emptier inside; tell me what is this thinq that i feel like i'm missinq & why can't i let it qo ?" - - stacy orrico, "more to life"

the ill throwback; pero its basically how i've been feelinq lately . i feel like my life is soo meaninqless with my lack of love, friends, & a purpose .

love wise : but ever since i was little, i've been in love with the idea of love . but this past year, i had my first brush with it - you ppl pretty much know the story - it didn't end well . i'm still kinda adjustinq to beinq alone - not that i'm not already independent, but even so i always knew that i'd always have somebody to talk to or chill with at any qiven time . i was soo comfortable around him . i know i don't need him but i was used to him, ya know ? & now i'm scared of ever feelinq that way abt another person - or even worse, scared that nobody can ever feel that way abt me aqain . its like i want love - real, pure, unconditional love - but i'm afraid that i will never have that ..

friend wise: deadass, i feel like i just woke up one morninq & everyone was just like qone from my life .. i've never felt so alone .. & i used to have a fckinq TON of friends, i really don't know what i did to chase everybody out of my life . i mean when i think abt it, i am qlad to be rid of such sometime-ish "friends" that apparently don't really qive a shit abt me & i rather be absolutely alone than surrounded by a bunch of fakes that only care abt me when its convienent for them - i don't need anybody who doesn't need me . but i can't help to wonder what is it abt me that makes it sooo easy for ppl to walk in & out of my life like that .. for once i just wanna be an important part of somebody's life . i want to be relied on - to be needed .

as for my life havinq a purpose, i mean i know for a fact that riqht now i'm not livinq up to my full potential & i really just don't know wtf i'm qoinq to do with my life .. i have yet to find my niche but all i know is that i will not be satisfied sittinq in some office from 9-5 answerinq fones & filinq paperwork all fckinq day - i refuse ! i'm interested in music, fashion, cosmotoloqy, interior decoratinq, & i've always been qood at writinq but those fields are soo competitive & i'm scared that if i pursue any of those, i could end up like some starvinq artist .. i know that there's somethinq out there for me & i know that i really just have to make up my damn mind for once in my life, do whatever it takes to reach that, & stayyyy FOCUSED .

i really just need to improve every aspect of my life .
biq chanqes are cominq - i can feel it .
cuz there's qotta be more than what i have riqht now ..