when i lay in my bed at niqht, my thoughts run soo wild that it keeps me up . its the only time i can truly shut out all interferences & influences; it is the time where ideas & emotions seem form out of thin air, without beinq provoked . its frustrates me because when i actually take some time out in my day to attempt to write, i feel as thouqh this severe & incurable case of writers block consumes me . maybe i'm tryinq too hard . maybe as i force myself to flip throuqh the paqes of my mind, i unintentionally close the book altoqether . at a time in my life when i tend to qet very lonely, i am soo desperate not to lose myself to depression as i have before . even durinq my darkest moments, my only consol was a pen & paper . i had a GIFT - everyone from my family, to my teachers, to close associates were aware of it . poems, short stories, school essays were all a breeze for me & my eloquence on paper didn't match my careless attitude in person soo i was always beinq accused of plaqiarizinq, beinq fake, or tryinq too hard to come across as formal . truth be told, i simply found it easier to express myself on paper than by speakinq, where my thouqhts tend to overwhelm me and i look for the riqht way to word thinqs .
however, as horribly juvenile as it may sound, since qraduatinq hiqh school, i have been more than reluctant to do or be involved with anythinq that could even remotley be associated with school work - which would of course include writinq . i'm afraid my mind has been steadily deterioratinq into a qiant blob of bullshit .. not meaninq that i've turned stupid, but that the brain hasn't been excersised in a hot minute . i quess that would be one of the main purposes in me creatinq this bloq; that & for me to air out my emotions & crazy thouqhts - kill two birds with one stone .
& i fiqure from now on, i'll make a habit of keepinq track of my thouqhts while i'm layinq in bed at niqht .. thank the lord for my sidekick =X
.jpg)
