ain't nothing worse than a smart dumb nigga ..

this is just one of those thinqs thaat i can watch a trillion & one times & lauqh just as hard as the first time i even seen the shit ..


katt williams is the fckinq best .

girl crush [;

excuse me, but i'm havinq a very random homo moment riqht now ..

LAUREN LONDON .

ahhhhhhhh ! shortieee is fckinq BAD - nuff said . like c'monnnn be serious, i hear niqqas sayinq thaat she don't look half as qood as meqan qood like ARE YOU ON CRAACK ?! now i'm not knockin meqan qood but shortie's lips are a little too biq; but even without that, she still don't qot shit on my btch lauren .. & on top of it she seems really sweet & down to earth which she qets [ m a j o r ] kudos for ; if i looked half as qood as thaat i'd be cocky as a mothafckaaa .



i also love thaat she seems to be really close to one of my other wifey'sx .


CASSIE .


now this is my fckinq W I F E Y ! deadass, i noticed this btch waaay back when she was still modelinq for delias . & when her first sinqle, "me & you" came out, i had no idea it was her until i saw the video & then when i did, i'm pretty sure i humped my TV screen . no really, cassie could fckinq qet it . i mean lauren london has a better body than her, pero i would still do cassie first . i be qoin craazy for this btch, idk why, i just have it really really bad for her .



& just to jog everyone'sx memory ..


EVA LONGORIA .

you can't blame me - she's queen bee of wisteria lane; althouqh this season they've been makinq her look a bit .. frumpy . still eva is hotter than her other desperate housewife costars . i heard a rumor that beyonce is tryinq to qet a reoccurinq or permanent role in the desperate houswives series & i'm not really sure how she would fit in, simply because she's beyonce .. like c'mon, B desperate ? anyways miss eva is also the face of bebe sport . i love flippinq thro maqazines & runninq into them :

hope everyone had a merry xmas !

baby, i can see your halo ..

i lalaLOVE this sonq & i'm really diqqin the video w| the niqqa from the movie, barbershop - que fckinq cuteee[:



& of course ; the anthem for dope btchs all around the world ..


her backup dancers seem to be the same ones as the ones from 'sinqle ladies'. am i the only one who heard that the darker one was a transvestite ? lol anyways i'm diqqinq the whole sasha fierce swaqq ..





this pic is sooo fckinq dope to me; idk why . her facial expression, the eye makeup, & the cup'o'noodles - as if mrs. carter actually eats thaat shit - its fckinq qenius .

loveeeee herrrrrrr ♥

worst weekend EVER !

no really . i'm not even exaqqeratinqqqqqqq ! it's like this weekend qod just decided he hated me & that he wanted me to be miserable before xmas - as usual . but damn .. it all started on friday, the last time i worked .. but to be prefectly honest, i have no desire whatsoever to qet into storymode so i'm qonna just make this really short .. this was my weekend ..

f r i d a y :

the ex hit me up for the 1st time since he found out abt me & whatshisface ..

some other dude who qot my number started blowin up my fone ridiculous ..

s a t u r d a y :

i broke niqht so i could qo to the mall at the crack & qet on line for the jordan packaqe but ended up beinq too impatient to wait outside in the freezinq cold on a line around the block; so i left empty handed (sadface)..

i qot suspended from work ..

probably qonna be fired if i dont find another job & quit asap ..

was so depressed i hit up my ex to chill ..

qot hella fckinq benttt; drank mad LQ & smoked hella L's ..

sleepover at the ex's ..

s u n d a y :

spent whole day w| him ..

sooo now i am back at square fckinq ONE . i've just been tryinq to stay as busy as i can soo i dont even have time to think abt whats qoinq on & what's qonna happen . i'm just tryinq to stay as optimistic as possibleeeeee ; i know i said biq chanqes were cominq & i'm thinkinq mabe this is just supposed to be my motivation to not qet too comfortable & really qet on my shit & do what i qotta do .

as far as my ex qoes - i know i was tlkinq mad shit abt him before & i was tlkinq to some next niqqa but after chillin w| dude i realized i kinda hyped him up waayy too much & that sadly i was missinq my ex & felt hella quilty abt hurtinq him .. so after already investinq over a year in him, what's one more try ? i mean, i'm not officially back with him but whatever lol .. what can i say ? i'm only human ..

siqh .. see ? optimistic dot com ..

woOp woOp !

35 fckinq followers !

compared to other bloqs, i suppose thats not many
but i still feel hella od special [:

thnx soo much for the love & support
your cmnts are really helpful
& i appreciate all of them ..
you ppl are the shit ♥ muahsx !

bah humbug .

well .. as we all know, christmas is qettinq closer & closer .. i've been qoinq fckinq insane tryna do all my shoppinq for others while the entire time fiqhtinq not to take advantaqe of all these crazy sales & qet myself a shitload of stuff too . i'm qoinq to be piss fckinq broke when all of this is done .

& let me take this time out to say just how much i hate christmas . yes, you read correctly - niecey hates christmas . so qo ahead, call me scrooqe or whatever you can come up with but all this holiday cheer, joy to the world, & merry bullshit makes me fckinq sick . & to make it worse, niqqas was puttinq christmas trees up & playinq those stupid fckinq carols in macys before halloween even hit so of course i was heated . shit is sooo commercialized, all this holly jolly qarbaqe, & i find it to be all soo fckinq fake ! i hate how durinq the holidays everyone's suckinq everyone elses dick & beinq all cheerful & holdinq doors & wishinq everyone well but then once its over, everyone's back on their shit, beinq qrimey, qivinq dirty looks & talkinq shit under their breath .. idk abt any of you but i'm a biq fan of beinq REAL - all day, every fckinq day, 25/8 . don't bullshit me in the sake of "christmas spirit"; your either feelin me or your not & it doesn't have anythinq to do with what time of the year it is . i mean don't qet me wronq, the idea of qood will to all men is totally fine with me but why can't that be a yearlonq messaqe ? & i hate how people always wanna use this time to pretend like the problems in the world & in their own fckinq lives don't exsist . i can't speak for anyone but myself, but all i know is that the holiday season does not put a pause to any of my problems .. & what's worse is when the biq day finally qets here, & everyone's all hoppinq up & down & showinq off their latest shit, i'm sittinq there watchinq them like why the fck is the matter with me ? why am i so upset when everyone else is happy ? i've never been able to answer myself that .. i've never even been able to fiqure out the exact reason for me beinq soo fckinq upset .. all i know is that for as lonq as i can remember, on christmas, while my whole famiy is beinq all joyful in the livinq room, i've snuck away to my room ..

i've cried on christmas every year for as lonq as i can remember ..
& that, my friends, is one of the most pathetic thinq i can admit to you .

GOT MILK ?

i hear it does the body qood - ayeee qimme some of thaattt, daddy [;

i'm wanting more ..

"i've qot it all but i feel so deprived - i qo up, i qo down & i'm emptier inside; tell me what is this thinq that i feel like i'm missinq & why can't i let it qo ?" - - stacy orrico, "more to life"

the ill throwback; pero its basically how i've been feelinq lately . i feel like my life is soo meaninqless with my lack of love, friends, & a purpose .

love wise : but ever since i was little, i've been in love with the idea of love . but this past year, i had my first brush with it - you ppl pretty much know the story - it didn't end well . i'm still kinda adjustinq to beinq alone - not that i'm not already independent, but even so i always knew that i'd always have somebody to talk to or chill with at any qiven time . i was soo comfortable around him . i know i don't need him but i was used to him, ya know ? & now i'm scared of ever feelinq that way abt another person - or even worse, scared that nobody can ever feel that way abt me aqain . its like i want love - real, pure, unconditional love - but i'm afraid that i will never have that ..

friend wise: deadass, i feel like i just woke up one morninq & everyone was just like qone from my life .. i've never felt so alone .. & i used to have a fckinq TON of friends, i really don't know what i did to chase everybody out of my life . i mean when i think abt it, i am qlad to be rid of such sometime-ish "friends" that apparently don't really qive a shit abt me & i rather be absolutely alone than surrounded by a bunch of fakes that only care abt me when its convienent for them - i don't need anybody who doesn't need me . but i can't help to wonder what is it abt me that makes it sooo easy for ppl to walk in & out of my life like that .. for once i just wanna be an important part of somebody's life . i want to be relied on - to be needed .

as for my life havinq a purpose, i mean i know for a fact that riqht now i'm not livinq up to my full potential & i really just don't know wtf i'm qoinq to do with my life .. i have yet to find my niche but all i know is that i will not be satisfied sittinq in some office from 9-5 answerinq fones & filinq paperwork all fckinq day - i refuse ! i'm interested in music, fashion, cosmotoloqy, interior decoratinq, & i've always been qood at writinq but those fields are soo competitive & i'm scared that if i pursue any of those, i could end up like some starvinq artist .. i know that there's somethinq out there for me & i know that i really just have to make up my damn mind for once in my life, do whatever it takes to reach that, & stayyyy FOCUSED .

i really just need to improve every aspect of my life .
biq chanqes are cominq - i can feel it .
cuz there's qotta be more than what i have riqht now ..

ferris bueller, your my hero .

& its unfortunate to say that love never lets me use the right side of my brain ..

i fckinq ♥ this sonq ..

i love the simple production & vocal arrangement, even though sometimes it sounds like he's mumblinq ; it's still my shit [; thouqhts ?

look at my btch madonna for louis vuitonn :
ayeee ! pero she's lookinq fckinq fierce for a 50yearold ..

well .. today was rather .. interestinq . it all started last niqht, which was the first time i heard from the the ex since last thursday when we qot into some shit & i had to let him know how i really felt & what it was . & even thouqh he had hurt me so many times before, i felt fckinq horrible for hurtinq him even this once .. anyways he called me last niqht actinq like we were the best of friends & i was hella happy becuase i would love for it to be that way with us ; i could never bear to cut him off completely . so we talked for hours, reminicinq of all these crazy memories - i hardly qot any sleep but we aqreed to really make an attempt to beinq only friends . then today when i qot out of work he called & i offered to qo somewhere with him but in the end we didn't make it to the place on time so we went back to his crib where we really just chilled & talked & watched TV .. like friends ! & then, it happened - as i was havinq hella AIM conversations on my sidekick, niqqa qoes & snatches my fone from me sayinq he just wanted to make a quick call . of course, he meant that he wanted to look throuqh all of my shit . sooooooo he came across my convo with this new niqqa . & even thouqh we're just friends now, he was heatedddd ! he didnt even have to say anythinq, i could read it all across his face . & then he proceeded to qo onto his screenname to talk shit abt me to all his little fckinq friends . i peeped it when i was finally able to qrab my fone back & i seen him say shit like "she's just another btch to me now" (wronq - i'm that bitch), "she just lost EVERYTHING" (hes obviously confused), & "i officially qive up" (niqqa wtf took you soo lonq ?!). in those same few minutes, he also qot some btch's number offline . all i could really do was qiqqle to myself . he doesn't realize how stupid he looks - first off, qettin tiqht in the first fckinq place since i made it absolutely clear we were just friends; & second off, doinq all this dumb shit to try & qet me jealous . it only shows me how upset he truly is, even thouqh he was tryna front like he was fine . SMH .. its always a fckinq rollercoaster with this niqqa - one day everythinq could be perfect, the next could be the total opposite .. i never know what to expect .

* note to self : expect [ n o t h i n q ] & you'll never be dissappointed .

BROOKLYN ; we go hard .

y e s s i r r . this weekend has the potential to be the waackest of my life beinq that everyone in lametown usa (aka staten island) seems to have forqotten about my very exsistence but whatever, i'm over it . throuqh it all i've always had my biffinqton, the best friend i've ever had, & she is exactly like me in every way ( besides physically ) with my exact mindset & i fckinq love it . when i'm feelinq like no one in the world understands me & that i'm truly all alone, it's fckinq awesome that i can just turn to her & we'll be on the same paqe every sinqle time . anyways, yesterday i went over to qood ol' bklyn to chill with her, klever (her bf - pero i call him kuku), & his homeboy . we was relaxinq in the crib of course blowinq hellaaaaaa od piff - i was maad fckinq bent - & watchinq movies . fyi : WANTED ( thaat action flick with anqelina jolie ) was hella fckinq poppin; makinq me wanna be an assasin & start killinq niqqas & curvinq bullets & shit .. hmmmm ...

today i went shoppinq with the biffinqton & her mami [: of course had hella fun qoin crazy in public, beinq all loud & actinq stupid . ohh & we tried on church hats !
sexy, riqht ? lmao . sadly, once we hit all the stores, it was time for me to return back to lametown *sad face* .

sadly, no amount of spendinq seems to quench my hunqer for new shit . there are just many thinqs that catchinq my eye lately & unless there is somebody to restrict me, i find myself willinq to blow entire paychecks on my many desires . & to make it worse, of course i qotta be the one to have expensive taste . desiqner heels, fresh kicks, baqs & purses, & of couse clothes & accessories to match, jewlery, plus all these different electronic qadqets i need . & i am soooo not patient enouqh to wait until christmas !

anyways the two main pairs of kicks i qot my eyes on are these:

FILA !!! i fckinq must have the purple ones .

& always on my jordan shit, the packaqe beinq released on dec20 features the 11's & 12's .. i can't wait [:

of course i would be here for aqes if i listed ALLLLLL the thinqs i wanted so i'll quite while i'm ahead .

** oh & for all the late kiddies, brooklyn go hard is a dope new track by my niqqa jayz featurinq santiqold . if you haven't heard it, check it out riqht here (sorry; the clean version was the only one i could find ) >:[

ahhhhhhh !

i have been completely & severely pleased with life these past few days . who's to thank for my disturbinqly qood mood ? well i'm never one to qive names, sorry . but the important thinq is that this dude has been makinq me soo hella od happy ! he has me smilinq all day even when everythinq & everyone else makes me wanna slit my wrists . & the thinq is, i've wanted this kid the the 1st day i met him a few yrs aqo but there was always some type of situation that prevented that but now shit is done & i know it sounds so cliche but it just feels like its been meant to qo down since the qet .. but i don't wanna jinx it so lemme shuttupp ! lmao .

well i'm hype cuz today i qot some new boots from urban outfitters:que fckinq dope, riiiqhttttt ? i lalalaloveeeee them, i can't wait to wear them !

*************************************
& then over on the total opposite end of the spectrum ..

i threw up a little when i seen these at macy's the other day . no really . whoever came up with this idea need to be fckinq assainated & i definitely would be the one do it . deadass like WTF . who would wear theseeee ?! crocs AND uggs in one hideous shoe ? that is just fckinq ridiculousssssss . i mean if there ever were an "i hate crocs" club i would be the president . i don't qive a fck how comfortable they are - YOU LOOK LIKE A FCKING DUMBASS . if i could, i would qather all the crocs in the universe, burn them, & then dance around the fire . & then i would win the nobel peace prize for doinq such an amazinqly qood deed by savinq the world from uqly killer plastic shoes . uqh .. really . this is an abomination . i seriously am upset abt this . what will they think of next ?!

niecey fcking baby - get her a leash ;x

r a w r [;

pero i'm a tired kitty . i just qot home from doinq a overniqht at the job but of course it is just like me to not be sleepiee at all; smh .. just when my sleepinq habits were finally startinq to be requlated .

i'm also a little weirded out because it seems that the ex stood up all niqht soo that he could call me as soon as i qot out of work at 6.30am .. even thouqh he has work at 9 . let's not mention the two times he called while i was still at work . & since i've been out, he's called me abt 5 times . i say "it seems" because i haven't answered any of them . maybe any other chick would think this was cute that he wanted to hear my voice or just speak to me or whatever, but beinq that this niqqa never did any shit like that durinq the whole year & a half we went out, i'm a little confused as to why he's doinq this now . it seems he qets more & more clinqy as the days qo by: callinq me every 5 min, wantinq to chill all the fckinq time, & just random ass shit that weirds me out sometimes . i mean, i know that in his head its cuz he thinks he losinq me but in reality, i am lonq fckinq qone & my attemptinq to pull me back in, he's only pushinq me further away . & i feel bad cuz he doesn't seem to have a clue but i don't wanna hurt him .. uqh .

other than that, i am rather pissed off after overhearinq a conversation my father just had with his other dauqhter . niqqas is probably readinq that like uhm .. you mean your sister ? but to that i say fuckkkk outtaa hereee . i mean i supposed qenetics would imply that she was exactly that but i will never acknowledqe her as such . i would even qo as far to say that she is dead to me & that i surely do not qive to two fucks abt anythinq that happens to her cuz karmas a fckinq btch & one day she's qonna feel the pain that she caused everyone for soo lonq .. since i know all of you are hella curious now, here's my reasoninq : the story beqins when this btch was spawned from my fathers previous marriaqe . fastfoward hella years, after he remarried to my mom & had me & the lil bro, shit was cool, she was in my life when i was younqer, i loved her & she even had a baby - my fckinq niece who i absolutely adored . suddenly, out of fckinq nowhere the btch just woke up & decided that she hated my father for "abadoninq her when she was younqer", which was fckinq bullshit - especially since the btch was already twentysomethinq at the time . from that point on, i NEVER EVER saw or heard from my her or my niece . for soooo many years i witnessed my fathers pain & desperate attempts to qain her forqiveness, thouqh he knew he did nothinq wronq . i remember he would send a card & letter to her & her dauqther for every birthday & holiday & the btch neverrrr wrote back . christmas he'd always bouqht them presents & would qive them to other relatives to qive to them since he didn't even know where they lived anymore . she never sent back so much as a thanks . once i even overheard my uncle tellinq him that she was tellinq ppl that her father was dead . WTFFF. all of this went on for abt 11 fckinq years .

what pains me the most is that the moment she decided to act like shit was all cool & as if it never happened, my dad was moree than fckinq estatic to have her back in his life . i hear him on the fone tellinq her he loves her & i even hear her cheerful voice on the other line callinq him daddy & i wanna just snatch the fone away & tell her to suck a dick & die . my niece is already 16 . i have a nephew & i don't even know his fckinq name . & she's my sister ?! she wasn't there for my 1st boyfriend, my prom, or qraduation . FUCK HER - she's not shit to me . & what's more, she don't fckinq deserve to be able to call my father daddy ..



okaay soo thats the end of my explanation .
reason beinq that i'm qettin too fckinq emotional writinq abt it
& its too early in the day to be cryinq .