bah humbug .

well .. as we all know, christmas is qettinq closer & closer .. i've been qoinq fckinq insane tryna do all my shoppinq for others while the entire time fiqhtinq not to take advantaqe of all these crazy sales & qet myself a shitload of stuff too . i'm qoinq to be piss fckinq broke when all of this is done .

& let me take this time out to say just how much i hate christmas . yes, you read correctly - niecey hates christmas . so qo ahead, call me scrooqe or whatever you can come up with but all this holiday cheer, joy to the world, & merry bullshit makes me fckinq sick . & to make it worse, niqqas was puttinq christmas trees up & playinq those stupid fckinq carols in macys before halloween even hit so of course i was heated . shit is sooo commercialized, all this holly jolly qarbaqe, & i find it to be all soo fckinq fake ! i hate how durinq the holidays everyone's suckinq everyone elses dick & beinq all cheerful & holdinq doors & wishinq everyone well but then once its over, everyone's back on their shit, beinq qrimey, qivinq dirty looks & talkinq shit under their breath .. idk abt any of you but i'm a biq fan of beinq REAL - all day, every fckinq day, 25/8 . don't bullshit me in the sake of "christmas spirit"; your either feelin me or your not & it doesn't have anythinq to do with what time of the year it is . i mean don't qet me wronq, the idea of qood will to all men is totally fine with me but why can't that be a yearlonq messaqe ? & i hate how people always wanna use this time to pretend like the problems in the world & in their own fckinq lives don't exsist . i can't speak for anyone but myself, but all i know is that the holiday season does not put a pause to any of my problems .. & what's worse is when the biq day finally qets here, & everyone's all hoppinq up & down & showinq off their latest shit, i'm sittinq there watchinq them like why the fck is the matter with me ? why am i so upset when everyone else is happy ? i've never been able to answer myself that .. i've never even been able to fiqure out the exact reason for me beinq soo fckinq upset .. all i know is that for as lonq as i can remember, on christmas, while my whole famiy is beinq all joyful in the livinq room, i've snuck away to my room ..

i've cried on christmas every year for as lonq as i can remember ..
& that, my friends, is one of the most pathetic thinq i can admit to you .